Re: A few to make you laugh

[Bob La Londe <none@none.com99>]

On 4/18/2020 7:47 PM, David LaRue wrote:
> Bob La Londe <none@none.com99> wrote in
> news:r7f764$jcl$1@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx:
>
>> On 4/17/2020 2:44 PM, Jim Davis wrote:
>>> On Thursday, April 16, 2020 at 10:01:47 PM UTC-4, Bob La Londe wrote:
>>>> As some of you may know at one point in my life I was considering
>>>> law enforcement.  I did graduate from a "mini" academy (didn't
>>>> actually qualify me to be a cop), and followed up one summer by
>>>> doing ride-a-longs with a local highway patrol officer.  We will
>>>> call him Joe.
>>>>     (not his name).
>>>>
>>>> The first time we got together I saw him make a couple minor stops
>>>> (no tickets).  I got to read some police reports at the station and
>>>> we chatted a lot.  At one point nothing much was happening so we
>>>> went to check on the mile marker just east of Dateland.  Joe thought
>>>> it was pretty funny that people kept stealing that mile marker.
>>>> Just west of Dateland is mile marker 68.  You figure it out.
>>>>
>>>> One day we were sitting in the patrol car at Dateland and somebody
>>>> rolled the stop sign at the bottom of the off ramp.  We lit him up
>>>> and pulled him over.  I left the windows down in the patrol car and
>>>> sat back to watch.  Before Joe had even gotten up to the window of
>>>> the car I could hear the driver protesting loudly, "Come on officer.
>>>>   I slowed down.  I looked both ways.  It was safe."
>>>>
>>>> Joe calmly told him, "Its a stop sign.  Not a slow down sign.
>>>> Besides if you looked both ways you should have seen the patrol car.
>>>>   Why would you roll a stop sign right in front of a cop."
>>>>
>>>> Whining the man just repeated himself louder and louder in different
>>>> ways.  "There was no danger.  I slowed down.  I looked."
>>>>
>>>> Louder and more firmly Joe interrupted the guy to tell him."  Its
>>>> still a stop sign.  Not a slow down sign."  "The law say stop at
>>>> stop signs, not look both ways and roll through."
>>>>
>>>> Back and forth they went until they were both yelling.  I could see
>>>> the back of Joe's neck starting to turn red.  Finally he had enough.
>>>>   He reach in the window of the car, and dragged the guy half way out
>>>> through the open window with one hand while smacking the guy back
>>>> and forth across the face with his other.  Hard.  I could hear the
>>>> slaps over the sound of the guy screaming "STOP!  STOP!  STOP!
>>>> PLEASE STOP."
>>>>
>>>> Joe yelled back at him. "Do you mean stop or slow down!"
>>>
>>> Hey Bob. you're testing my memory. Every time I read one of yours,
>>> I'm reminded of another one. These jokes are from a repertoire of
>>> stories I had going back to the US Navy. Don't know how many more I
>>> can come up with
>>>
>>> A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following
>>> exchange:
>>> Officer:  May I see your driver's license?
>>> Driver:  I don't have one.  I had it suspended when I got my fifth
>>> DUI. Officer:  May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
>>> Driver:  It's not my car.  I stole it.
>>> Officer:  The car is stolen?
>>> Driver:  That's right.  But come to think of it, I think I saw the
>>> owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
>>> Officer:  There's a gun in the glove box?
>>> Driver:  Yes sir.  That's where I put it after I shot and killed the
>>> woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
>>> Officer:  There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
>>> Driver:  Yes, sir.
>>> Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain.  The car
>>> was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the
>>> driver to handle the tense situation:
>>> Captain:  Sir, can I see your license?
>>> Driver:  Sure.  Here it is. It was valid.
>>> Captain:  whose car is this?
>>> Driver:  It's mine, officer.  Here's my registration card.
>>>            The driver owned the car.
>>> Captain:  Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if
>>> there's
>>>             a gun in it?
>>> Driver:  Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
>>> Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
>>> Captain:  Would you mind opening your trunk?  I was told you said
>>>             there's a body in it.
>>> Driver:  No problem.
>>> Trunk is opened; no body.
>>> Captain:  I don't understand it.  The officer who stopped you said
>>> you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in
>>> the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
>>> Driver:  Yeah, I'll bet the lying S.O.B. told you I was speeding,
>>> too!
>>>
>>
>>
>> I owe you guys an apology.
>>
>> Seriously.  After a recent post I received several messages
>> complaining about my making light of an entire class of working
>> professional.  I was insulting and diminutive and many people told me
>> my story just wasn't funny.  A couple chose to insult me personally,
>> my ancestry, and many other aspects I don't care to share.
>>
>> So here it is.  I have rethought my humor.  In this day and age its
>> unacceptable.  I apologize.  It is unacceptable to even joke about it.
>> There is no way mathematicians would be caught dead hanging out with
>> numerologists.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>
> Bob and everyone else,
>
> I thank you all for your posts and attempts to brighten my day.  I take
> no offense at any of the posts.  A couple I didn't get, but that is my
> loss.  Please keep posting whatever you have.  We need something to
> laugh at these days.
>
> David
>


LOL.  David.  The apology was a joke in and of it self. Most people
would assume I was talking about cops at the beginning.  The twist was
that it was about mathematicians and numerologists.  Its a setup joke.
Much harder to tell in person and keep a serious somber tone to tell it
properly.  I first added the setup joke at a fishing tournament where I
told both the stop sign joke and the math joke at signup, and the
apology joke at weigh in some 8+ hours later.  Most people would have
forgotten the very short math pun joke by the time you told the apology
joke.  Everybody gets a bit of a kick out of the stop sign joke so they
remember it.

Its always hard to tell some setup jokes.  It requires a bit of a time
lapse in between and the same audience.

In this day and age its also a bit of a play on society's tendency to
mark it as a badge of honor to be offended by something in everything.

The stop sign and the math jokes are stolen.  The apology joke is my own
twist.  The first time at that fishing tournament I told it 100% off the
cuff.  One fellow was in pain for me as I was telling it.  I could see
it on his face.  Total disbelief that anybody would be so truly offended
by any of the jokes I had told earlier.  The expression on his face when
he realized I had set him up was priceless.  What's hysterical is he was
one of the few people who got the math joke I had told earlier.

Really the best place to tell this long setup might be at a math or
physics convention.