Re: A few to make you laugh

[David LaRue <huey.dll@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Bob La Londe <none@none.com99> wrote in
news:r7f764$jcl$1@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx:

> On 4/17/2020 2:44 PM, Jim Davis wrote:
>> On Thursday, April 16, 2020 at 10:01:47 PM UTC-4, Bob La Londe wrote:
>>> As some of you may know at one point in my life I was considering
>>> law enforcement.  I did graduate from a "mini" academy (didn't
>>> actually qualify me to be a cop), and followed up one summer by
>>> doing ride-a-longs with a local highway patrol officer.  We will
>>> call him Joe.
>>>    (not his name).
>>>
>>> The first time we got together I saw him make a couple minor stops
>>> (no tickets).  I got to read some police reports at the station and
>>> we chatted a lot.  At one point nothing much was happening so we
>>> went to check on the mile marker just east of Dateland.  Joe thought
>>> it was pretty funny that people kept stealing that mile marker.
>>> Just west of Dateland is mile marker 68.  You figure it out.
>>>
>>> One day we were sitting in the patrol car at Dateland and somebody
>>> rolled the stop sign at the bottom of the off ramp.  We lit him up
>>> and pulled him over.  I left the windows down in the patrol car and
>>> sat back to watch.  Before Joe had even gotten up to the window of
>>> the car I could hear the driver protesting loudly, "Come on officer.
>>>  I slowed down.  I looked both ways.  It was safe."
>>>
>>> Joe calmly told him, "Its a stop sign.  Not a slow down sign.
>>> Besides if you looked both ways you should have seen the patrol car.
>>>  Why would you roll a stop sign right in front of a cop."
>>>
>>> Whining the man just repeated himself louder and louder in different
>>> ways.  "There was no danger.  I slowed down.  I looked."
>>>
>>> Louder and more firmly Joe interrupted the guy to tell him."  Its
>>> still a stop sign.  Not a slow down sign."  "The law say stop at
>>> stop signs, not look both ways and roll through."
>>>
>>> Back and forth they went until they were both yelling.  I could see
>>> the back of Joe's neck starting to turn red.  Finally he had enough.
>>>  He reach in the window of the car, and dragged the guy half way out
>>> through the open window with one hand while smacking the guy back
>>> and forth across the face with his other.  Hard.  I could hear the
>>> slaps over the sound of the guy screaming "STOP!  STOP!  STOP!
>>> PLEASE STOP."
>>>
>>> Joe yelled back at him. "Do you mean stop or slow down!"
>>
>> Hey Bob. you're testing my memory. Every time I read one of yours,
>> I'm reminded of another one. These jokes are from a repertoire of
>> stories I had going back to the US Navy. Don't know how many more I
>> can come up with
>>
>> A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following
>> exchange:
>> Officer:  May I see your driver's license?
>> Driver:  I don't have one.  I had it suspended when I got my fifth
>> DUI. Officer:  May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
>> Driver:  It's not my car.  I stole it.
>> Officer:  The car is stolen?
>> Driver:  That's right.  But come to think of it, I think I saw the
>> owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
>> Officer:  There's a gun in the glove box?
>> Driver:  Yes sir.  That's where I put it after I shot and killed the
>> woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
>> Officer:  There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
>> Driver:  Yes, sir.
>> Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain.  The car
>> was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the
>> driver to handle the tense situation:
>> Captain:  Sir, can I see your license?
>> Driver:  Sure.  Here it is. It was valid.
>> Captain:  whose car is this?
>> Driver:  It's mine, officer.  Here's my registration card.
>>           The driver owned the car.
>> Captain:  Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if
>> there's
>>            a gun in it?
>> Driver:  Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
>> Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
>> Captain:  Would you mind opening your trunk?  I was told you said
>>            there's a body in it.
>> Driver:  No problem.
>> Trunk is opened; no body.
>> Captain:  I don't understand it.  The officer who stopped you said
>> you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in
>> the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
>> Driver:  Yeah, I'll bet the lying S.O.B. told you I was speeding,
>> too!
>>
>
>
> I owe you guys an apology.
>
> Seriously.  After a recent post I received several messages
> complaining about my making light of an entire class of working
> professional.  I was insulting and diminutive and many people told me
> my story just wasn't funny.  A couple chose to insult me personally,
> my ancestry, and many other aspects I don't care to share.
>
> So here it is.  I have rethought my humor.  In this day and age its
> unacceptable.  I apologize.  It is unacceptable to even joke about it.
> There is no way mathematicians would be caught dead hanging out with
> numerologists.
>
>
>
>
>

Bob and everyone else,

I thank you all for your posts and attempts to brighten my day.  I take
no offense at any of the posts.  A couple I didn't get, but that is my
loss.  Please keep posting whatever you have.  We need something to
laugh at these days.

David