Re: A few to make you laugh

[Jim Davis <alarminex@xxxxxxx>]

On Thursday, April 16, 2020 at 10:01:47 PM UTC-4, Bob La Londe wrote:
> As some of you may know at one point in my life I was considering law
> enforcement.  I did graduate from a "mini" academy (didn't actually
> qualify me to be a cop), and followed up one summer by doing
> ride-a-longs with a local highway patrol officer.  We will call him Joe.
>   (not his name).
>
> The first time we got together I saw him make a couple minor stops (no
> tickets).  I got to read some police reports at the station and we
> chatted a lot.  At one point nothing much was happening so we went to
> check on the mile marker just east of Dateland.  Joe thought it was
> pretty funny that people kept stealing that mile marker.  Just west of
> Dateland is mile marker 68.  You figure it out.
>
> One day we were sitting in the patrol car at Dateland and somebody
> rolled the stop sign at the bottom of the off ramp.  We lit him up and
> pulled him over.  I left the windows down in the patrol car and sat back
> to watch.  Before Joe had even gotten up to the window of the car I
> could hear the driver protesting loudly, "Come on officer.  I slowed
> down.  I looked both ways.  It was safe."
>
> Joe calmly told him, "Its a stop sign.  Not a slow down sign.  Besides
> if you looked both ways you should have seen the patrol car.  Why would
> you roll a stop sign right in front of a cop."
>
> Whining the man just repeated himself louder and louder in different
> ways.  "There was no danger.  I slowed down.  I looked."
>
> Louder and more firmly Joe interrupted the guy to tell him."  Its still
> a stop sign.  Not a slow down sign."  "The law say stop at stop signs,
> not look both ways and roll through."
>
> Back and forth they went until they were both yelling.  I could see the
> back of Joe's neck starting to turn red.  Finally he had enough.  He
> reach in the window of the car, and dragged the guy half way out through
> the open window with one hand while smacking the guy back and forth
> across the face with his other.  Hard.  I could hear the slaps over the
> sound of the guy screaming "STOP!  STOP!  STOP!  PLEASE STOP."
>
> Joe yelled back at him. "Do you mean stop or slow down!"

Hey Bob. you're testing my memory. Every time I read one of yours, I'm reminded of another one. These jokes are from a repertoire of stories I had going back to the US Navy. Don't know how many more I can come up with

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following
exchange:
Officer:  May I see your driver's license?
Driver:  I don't have one.  I had it suspended when I got my fifth DUI.
Officer:  May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver:  It's not my car.  I stole it.
Officer:  The car is stolen?
Driver:  That's right.  But come to think of it, I think I saw the
owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer:  There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver:  Yes sir.  That's where I put it after I shot and killed the
woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer:  There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver:  Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain.  The car was
quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to
handle the tense situation:
Captain:  Sir, can I see your license?
Driver:  Sure.  Here it is. It was valid.
Captain:  whose car is this?
Driver:  It's mine, officer.  Here's my registration card.
         The driver owned the car.
Captain:  Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's
          a gun in it?
Driver:  Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain:  Would you mind opening your trunk?  I was told you said
          there's a body in it.
Driver:  No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain:  I don't understand it.  The officer who stopped you said you
told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove
box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver:  Yeah, I'll bet the lying S.O.B. told you I was speeding, too!