Re: A few to make you laugh

[Bob La Londe <none@none.com99>]

On 4/17/2020 2:44 PM, Jim Davis wrote:
> On Thursday, April 16, 2020 at 10:01:47 PM UTC-4, Bob La Londe wrote:
>> As some of you may know at one point in my life I was considering law
>> enforcement.  I did graduate from a "mini" academy (didn't actually
>> qualify me to be a cop), and followed up one summer by doing
>> ride-a-longs with a local highway patrol officer.  We will call him Joe.
>>    (not his name).
>>
>> The first time we got together I saw him make a couple minor stops (no
>> tickets).  I got to read some police reports at the station and we
>> chatted a lot.  At one point nothing much was happening so we went to
>> check on the mile marker just east of Dateland.  Joe thought it was
>> pretty funny that people kept stealing that mile marker.  Just west of
>> Dateland is mile marker 68.  You figure it out.
>>
>> One day we were sitting in the patrol car at Dateland and somebody
>> rolled the stop sign at the bottom of the off ramp.  We lit him up and
>> pulled him over.  I left the windows down in the patrol car and sat back
>> to watch.  Before Joe had even gotten up to the window of the car I
>> could hear the driver protesting loudly, "Come on officer.  I slowed
>> down.  I looked both ways.  It was safe."
>>
>> Joe calmly told him, "Its a stop sign.  Not a slow down sign.  Besides
>> if you looked both ways you should have seen the patrol car.  Why would
>> you roll a stop sign right in front of a cop."
>>
>> Whining the man just repeated himself louder and louder in different
>> ways.  "There was no danger.  I slowed down.  I looked."
>>
>> Louder and more firmly Joe interrupted the guy to tell him."  Its still
>> a stop sign.  Not a slow down sign."  "The law say stop at stop signs,
>> not look both ways and roll through."
>>
>> Back and forth they went until they were both yelling.  I could see the
>> back of Joe's neck starting to turn red.  Finally he had enough.  He
>> reach in the window of the car, and dragged the guy half way out through
>> the open window with one hand while smacking the guy back and forth
>> across the face with his other.  Hard.  I could hear the slaps over the
>> sound of the guy screaming "STOP!  STOP!  STOP!  PLEASE STOP."
>>
>> Joe yelled back at him. "Do you mean stop or slow down!"
>
> Hey Bob. you're testing my memory. Every time I read one of yours, I'm reminded of another one. These jokes are from a repertoire of stories I had going back to the US Navy. Don't know how many more I can come up with
>
> A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following
> exchange:
> Officer:  May I see your driver's license?
> Driver:  I don't have one.  I had it suspended when I got my fifth DUI.
> Officer:  May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
> Driver:  It's not my car.  I stole it.
> Officer:  The car is stolen?
> Driver:  That's right.  But come to think of it, I think I saw the
> owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
> Officer:  There's a gun in the glove box?
> Driver:  Yes sir.  That's where I put it after I shot and killed the
> woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
> Officer:  There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
> Driver:  Yes, sir.
> Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain.  The car was
> quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to
> handle the tense situation:
> Captain:  Sir, can I see your license?
> Driver:  Sure.  Here it is. It was valid.
> Captain:  whose car is this?
> Driver:  It's mine, officer.  Here's my registration card.
>           The driver owned the car.
> Captain:  Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's
>            a gun in it?
> Driver:  Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
> Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
> Captain:  Would you mind opening your trunk?  I was told you said
>            there's a body in it.
> Driver:  No problem.
> Trunk is opened; no body.
> Captain:  I don't understand it.  The officer who stopped you said you
> told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove
> box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
> Driver:  Yeah, I'll bet the lying S.O.B. told you I was speeding, too!
>


I owe you guys an apology.

Seriously.  After a recent post I received several messages complaining
about my making light of an entire class of working professional.  I was
insulting and diminutive and many people told me my story just wasn't
funny.  A couple chose to insult me personally, my ancestry, and many
other aspects I don't care to share.

So here it is.  I have rethought my humor.  In this day and age its
unacceptable.  I apologize.  It is unacceptable to even joke about it.
There is no way mathematicians would be caught dead hanging out with
numerologists.