Re: A few to make you laugh

[Jim Davis <alarminex@xxxxxxx>]

On Thursday, April 16, 2020 at 7:06:25 PM UTC-4, Bob La Londe wrote:
> So why was there such squabbling at the mathematicians and numerologists=
=20
> convention?
>=20
> They couldn't decide how many Avagadros to put in the dip.

I had to look that up=20

I never heard of and Avagadro before.

Here's one I just thought of.=20
It's a little late for Easter but=20


A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the
Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to
avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front
of his car and was hit.  The basket of eggs went flying all over the
place.  Candy, too.

The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled
over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of
the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful Bunny
was dead.

The driver felt guilty and began to cry.

A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side
of the road and pulled over.   She got out of her car and asked
the man what was wrong.

"I feel terrible I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny
and killed it. There may not be an Easter because of me. =20

The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do.
She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked
over to the limp, dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the
can onto the little furry animal.

Miraculously the Easter Bunny came to back life, jumped up, picked up
the spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and
hopped on down the road.  50 yards away the Easter Bunny stopped,
turned around, waved and hopped on down the road another 50 yards,
turned, waved, hopped another 50 yards and waved again!!!!

The man was astonished.

He said to the woman, "What in heaven's name is in your spray can?
The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label.

It said: "Hair spray.  Restores life to dead hair.  Adds permanent
wave."

This one is an old Buddy Hacket story.

=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=
=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=
=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D

There were two brothers. Jake's life was consumed taking care of his mother=
 and his cat. His whole life revolved around feeding and caring for them.=
=20
The other brother, Harry, was more a man of the world traveling to various =
places and coming home and telling Jake all the stories about where he'd be=
en and his adventures.=20

One day, Harry tells Jake. " I'll tell you what. You've been so good to our=
 mother all of these years and I've done very little. I'll tell you what, I=
'll give you the money and you can take a trip to wherever you want to go a=
nd I'll take care of Mother until you get back." Jake says, "It sounds good=
, but what about the cat?" Harry say's " I'll take care of the cat too. How=
's that?"

After some convincing Jake finally takes off on a trip to Europe and his la=
st words were "Harry, ya gotta promise me you'll take good care of mother a=
nd the cat OK?" And Harry says, "You shouldn't worry. Everything is going t=
o be alright"=20

Jake leaves on his vacation trip and every day he calls Harry to check up o=
n his mother and the cat.=20

On the third day, He calls Harry and say's how's things?" Harry says, "The =
cat's dead" Wah ! Wha! Jake is just devastated, hangs up the phone and has =
himself a good cry over the loss of his beloved cat. Finally , he calls Har=
ry back and tells him, "Harry, Do you realize how much you shocked me? You =
know how much I loved that cat and when I called, you just said "the cat's =
dead" Couldn't you have been a little bit more sympathetic and said somethi=
ng like " Jake, the cat's on the roof and we can't get it down" "Of course =
I would have been concerned and would have called back to find out what hap=
pened." " Then, you could have said " Jake, we got the cat down but there w=
ere some complications and we're working on it right now" "Of course I woul=
d have kept calling and then you could have said " I'm sorry Jake, but the =
cat got worse and passed peacefully in it's sleep"=20
Harry says, " Gee Jake, I'm really sorry." " You're right, I should have be=
en more thoughtful. I'm so sorry.
Jake say's " Ok ---- Oh by the way how's mother doing?".
Harry says " Well, Mothers on the roof and -------------"

=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=
=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=
=3D=3D

A man walks onto an airplane and takes his seat.  He looks up and
notices the most beautiful woman he has ever seen boarding the plane.  He
soon realizes that she is walking down the aisle toward him.
When she takes the seat right next to him, he is anxious to begin a
conservation with her.  He asks, "Where are you flying to today?"
She responds, "To the annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago."
He is CRAZED with excitement!  Here is this gorgeous woman sitting next
to him, and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!!!!
"And what do you do at this meeting?" he asks.
"Well," she replies, " we try to dissolve some of the popular myths
about sexuality."
"And what myths are those?" he asks.
She goes on to explain, "Well, one popular myth is that African American
men are the most endowed, when in fact, it is the Native America men who
own this trait.  Also, it is widely believed that the Frenchman is the
best lover, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who make the best
lovers."
"Very interesting...." the man responds.
Suddenly the woman becomes very embarrassed and blushes.
"I'm sorry," she says, "I just realized how awkward this is              di=
scussing this with you when I don't even know you!  At least tell me what y=
our name is?"
The man extends his hand and replies, "Tonto.  Tonto Goldstein."