Re: A few to make you laugh

[Jim Davis <alarminex@xxxxxxx>]

On Monday, April 13, 2020 at 8:28:16 PM UTC-4, Bob La Londe wrote:
> On a cold spring morning `a farmer found a baby bird who had fallen from
> its nest.  he looked around, but didn't see the nest or a frantic mother
> bird. Being to busy to look further and fearing the poor little guy who
> freeze he look around and stuck the little bird in a warm fresh cow plop
> to keep it warm until he get get back and look further.  The baby bird
> was stunned by the smell for a moment, but quickly recovered and began
> to peep loudly.  The farm cat was quickly drawn to the sound where he
> found a snack stuck with no way to get away.  He snatched the baby bird
> and ran off to one of his secret hidy holes.
>
> The morale of the story is he who puts you in the shit is not
> necessarily your enemy and he who plucks you out of the shit is not
> necessarily your friend.





This whole political thing is about Cows!

DEMOCRAT

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.

You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows,
forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The
people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow
and give it to your neighbor.
You feel righteous.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

SOCIALIST

You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.


REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?


COMMUNIST

You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.


CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.


DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell
both to support a man in a foreign country who has only
one cow, which was a gift from your government.


BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the
other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down
the drain.


AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd
one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the
analysts stating you have downsized
and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.


FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch.
Life is good.


JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary
cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably
crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.


GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.


ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.


RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows
you really have.


TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's
private parts. Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew
them up while they were in the hospital.


POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.


FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.  Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.  Finally, a bunch
of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the  best-looking one.


NEW YORK CORPORATION

You have fifteen million cows.
You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you
pick some fat cow from Arkansas