Re: OT: Can't believe I found this in the Wall Street Journal

[G. Morgan <usenet_abuse@xxxxxxxxx>]

"Robert L Bass" <robert@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

>I forgive because that is what I need to do -- nothing more,
>nothing less.

I'm hoping he will understand what you mean by that someday.

Pete, I got tuned on to the concept in AA.

You should go to a open meeting some time and learn a little about the 12 step
program.  It has been copied so often because:

A> It works
B> It is the only thing that has been proven to work for many maladies

It's just an attitude/lifestyle that alcoholics have to adopt because we are
very self-centered and selfish by nature.  The trick to the whole thing is to
"get out of yourself" and start "doing for others".  And if a person chooses to
live their life by these 12 principals in all of their daily activities, the
reason he drank will disappear.  Robert just finished a step 9 where you were
involved.  His side of the street is now "clean" and he can cross your name off
the list in step 8, your acceptance of the apology is unnecessary for the
completion of the step (but it is nice to receive forgiveness).  Actually it
sounds like you didn't meet the criteria for the list in step 8, because he
never directly harmed you.  He was staying on the safe side and asked you
numerous times if he had harmed you.  Had you been harmed by him and he was
attempting an amend, you're absolutely right about "just saying sorry isn't good
enough", the goal is to make amends, not apologize.   Had you answered him and
said he harmed you, he would of course apologize, but then ask what it would
take to make it up to you if just the verbal or written apology was
insufficient.

I encourage everyone to stop in and witness what happens at these meetings.  I
guarantee you will walk out of there gaining something, I have never been to one
where I didn't get something out of it.  Sometimes they are easy-going and even
funny.  Some will have a person tell a story that will leave an indelible mark
on your heart.

If you KNOW you are not an alcoholic, please only go to meetings marked as
"open".  Closed meetings are for alcoholics or folks who think they may be.  And
don't bring your little kids -- I hate it when someone does that and has to
enter the meeting area.  People then "edit" what they would normally say for the
sake of the child not hearing it.  Myself, I like to cuss a lot at these things
and I can't say "Motherfucker" in front of a 4 year old girl.

Here are the steps and the simple principals that each step represents.  When
people commit to these principals, whether they are an alcoholic or not, it will
benefit them.  You can kind of think of these principles just like a Christian
would the 10 commandments.  But these are more of a "lifestyle", not so much
moral doctrine.

By the way, Robert is not an alcoholic, but is familiar with the 12 steps.  We
discussed this at length one night.


The AA Principles and Virtues

Honesty
Step 1. We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had
become unmanageable.

Hope
Step 2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to
sanity.

Faith
Step 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God
as we understood him.

Courage
Step 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Integrity
Step 5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact
nature of our wrongs.

Willingness
Step 6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Humility
Step 7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Brotherly Love
Step 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make
amends to them all.

Justice
Step 9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do
so would injure them or others.

Perseverance
Step 10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly
admitted it.

Spirituality
Step 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact
with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and
the power to carry that out.

Service
Step 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried
to carry this message to others, especially alcoholics and to practice these
principles in all our affairs.