Re: OT: Jesus

[Frank Olson <use_the_email_links@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Jim wrote:
> On Oct 31, 5:45�pm, Frank Olson
> <use_the_email_li...@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
>> A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little
>> confused aobut Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
>>
>> Steven raises his hand and replies, "He's in Heaven."
>>
>> Mary answers, "He's in my heart."
>>
>> Little Johnny frantically waves his hand and blurts out, "He's in our
>> bathroom!"
>>
>> The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.
>>
>> "Well," Little Johnny replies, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs
>> on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'!"
>
>
> New teacher starts off the year by introducing herself to the class.
>
> Hello class, My name is Miss Prussy. Thats Prussy ..... with an R. And
> occasionally through the day she repeats the name learning process
> just to make sure they all remember
>
> "That's     Mrs Prussy ..... with an R"
>
> The class proceeds and the teacher finds out that little Johnny
> doesn't pay much attention to whats going on, so at the end of the day
> she asks him .... Johnny?  Do you remember what my name is?  Johnny
> thinks and thinks, his mind is racing and searching for the answer and
> then he remembers "With an R!"  " With an R!"
>
> Finallly he shouts out ...Yes! Yes, I've got it! It's Mrs Crunt.
>
> ===================================================================
>
> Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not
> paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.
> "Yeah teach?" he replies.
> "If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a
> shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.
> Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun,
> there's not going to be any left because the loud noise is gonna make
> them all fly off."
> "No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but
> I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.
> "Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that
> come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one
> is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?"
> The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh,
> gee Matt, I really don't know."
> Matt says " Well why don't you just give it a guess then"?
>
> "Teachers says "Well OK then, I guess the one that's sucking on the
> ice cream."
> Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her
> finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"


John O'Reilly hoists his tankard and toasts:  "Here's to the rest o' me
life, between the legs o' me lovely wife!"
Well, the patrons in the pub voted his to be the best toast of the
night.  So he goes home to his wife, Mary, and tells her that he got a
prize for the best toast.
Mary asks, "Well, and what was your toast?"
John responds, "Here's to the rest o' me life, sitting in church next to
me wife."
"That's lovely, John!", says Mary.
The next day, Mary's grocery shopping and she happens upon one of John's
friends from the pub.  He leers at her and winks, "John won the prize
for the best toast at the pub last night Mary, and it was all about you!"
"Faith," says Mary, "and it took me fair by surprise too.  He's not been
down there but twice in the last four years, the once he fell asleep,
and the second time I had to pull him by his ears to make him come."