Re: Monday Sucks

["alarman" <nospam@xxxxxxxx>]

JoeRaisin wrote:
> Or maybe I'm just a whiny punk.
>
> I was having a good day yesterday - right up until the end.
>
> *****
>
> ?All done, Ma?am.  I just need a signature.? I say placing the invoice
> on the counter and holding my pen out.  It made for a long day but the
> alarm is installed, up and running.  I?m tired, I just want to go
> home.
> ?It looks great, thank you.? She says taking my pen. ?You?re name
> sounds familiar.?
>
> My brother was a teacher, so is my sister, I get this a lot.
>
> ?Oh, I remember!  Are you related to that boy who was killed in the
> fire last year??
>
> Not was I was expecting.  Unfortunately, this was one of those times
> it hits me right in the gut.
>
> ?Uhm, Yeah, he was my son.?
>
> Just sign the paper so I can go.
>
> ?That was so sad.?
>
> Yes, it is.  Please, sign the paper.
>
> ?I remember because my friend?s son was one of his students at? you
> know? that Karate place.?
>
> Tae-Kwon-Do, not Karate.
>
> I tell her the name of the Do-Jong.
>
> ?Yes, that was it, she said he was such a nice boy.?
>
> I don?t why, but I don?t  want to have this discussion ? not here ?
> not now.
> ?Yeah, he was a good kid.?
>
> ?I heard there weren?t any smoke alarms in the house.?
>
> For Christ?s sake sign the PAPER!
>
> Easy, Joe, she?s trying to be nice.
>
> ?No, I guess there weren?t.?
>
> Please let me go.
>
> ?That?s pretty ironic considering what you do.?
>
> For the love of God, not that one again, a lump is forming in my
> throat.
> ?It wasn?t my house, ma?am.?
>
> ?Oh, right, it was his friend.  Now, didn?t his mother die the day
> before or something??
>
> Three weeks.
>
> ?A few weeks, actually.  Her name was??
>
> She doesn?t let me tell her Becky?s name.  Too bad, I cared for Becky
> and miss her a lot, but she is a much safer topic.  However, this
> woman just wants to say her piece and interrupts with, ?Well its too
> bad things like that happen around the holidays.  At least you all had a
> better Christmas this year.?
>
> Oh yeah, it was just fucking great.
>
> ?I really have to get going, ma?am, if you could just sign right
> here.?
> I put my pen at the beginning of the line, all she has to do is grab
> it and sign.
>
> I think I came off a bit brusque, she seems taken aback and I realize
> I probably could have handled this much more graciously.  Sometimes I
> get hit with it out of the blue and I?m okay, sometimes it still knocks
> the wind out of me ? this is one of those times.  I think it?s all the
> toddler stuff in this house.  It always makes me think of the grand
> kids I won?t have.  I have to get out of here.  I?m not a big follower of
> the John Wayne Book of Manhood, but I still don?t like to let
> strangers see me cry.
>
> ?Its not something I like to talk about,? I tell her, ?and I?m am
> running late.?
>
> She seems assuaged, at least a little and signs the paper.  She thanks
> me, I thank her and I leave.
>
> By the time I hit my truck the tears are already running.  The drive
> home is blurry.  All I can think about are the old dreams I used to
> have of Chris coming for the Holidays with car seats and diaper bags, a
> couple little ones in tow who are excited to see Grandma and Grandpa
> because we spoil them rotten.  Tony would show up with his rug rats as
> well and we would all have a rousing good time watching the kids ?
> cousins who are as close as siblings ? playing and arguing.
>
> During these visions I picture Chris as the man he could have become ?
> would have become.  The man the world will never know ? much to the
> world?s detriment I am sure.
>
> By the time I pull into my driveway I am down most of a box of tissue
> and the Walmart bag hanging from the corner of my glove compartment is
> just about full.  I manage to compose myself before going inside.  I
> don?t feel much like eating ? I?m late for supper anyway.  I watch the
> state of the union address but I?m really not watching or even
> listening.  If one were to look closely it would be evident that I?m
> not focused on the screen, I?m not focused on anything.
>
> I become aware that Elena is not watching the television either, she
> is watching me ? she can tell.  She doesn?t say anything.
>
> Eventually it is bedtime.
>
> We lay in bed, nestled together, its how we end most days, just
> holding one another.
>
> ?It was a bad one today.?  Is all I say.
>
> Elena?s embrace tightens a bit and she moves just a little bit closer
> to me.
>
> She still doesn?t say anything.
>
> She doesn?t ask me anything about it.
>
> She doesn?t have to.
>
> She has bad ones too.

Sorry for your pain, Joe.
Some days are diamonds...

--
js




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