Re: Monday Sucks

["Crash Gordon" <webmaster@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

My LCD just went out of focus.
Sorry, you're not the only one that can't take it.

Peace man.



--
**Crash Gordon**






"JoeRaisin" <joeraisin@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:AfQnj.3709$jj6.3327@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
| Or maybe I'm just a whiny punk.
|
| I was having a good day yesterday - right up until the end.
|
| *****
|
| ?All done, Ma?am.  I just need a signature.? I say placing the invoice
| on the counter and holding my pen out.  It made for a long day but the
| alarm is installed, up and running.  I?m tired, I just want to go home.
|
| ?It looks great, thank you.? She says taking my pen. ?You?re name sounds
| familiar.?
|
| My brother was a teacher, so is my sister, I get this a lot.
|
| ?Oh, I remember!  Are you related to that boy who was killed in the fire
| last year??
|
| Not was I was expecting.  Unfortunately, this was one of those times it
| hits me right in the gut.
|
| ?Uhm, Yeah, he was my son.?
|
| Just sign the paper so I can go.
|
| ?That was so sad.?
|
| Yes, it is.  Please, sign the paper.
|
| ?I remember because my friend?s son was one of his students at? you
| know? that Karate place.?
|
| Tae-Kwon-Do, not Karate.
|
| I tell her the name of the Do-Jong.
|
| ?Yes, that was it, she said he was such a nice boy.?
|
| I don?t why, but I don?t  want to have this discussion ? not here ? not
now.
|
| ?Yeah, he was a good kid.?
|
| ?I heard there weren?t any smoke alarms in the house.?
|
| For Christ?s sake sign the PAPER!
|
| Easy, Joe, she?s trying to be nice.
|
| ?No, I guess there weren?t.?
|
| Please let me go.
|
| ?That?s pretty ironic considering what you do.?
|
| For the love of God, not that one again, a lump is forming in my throat.
|
| ?It wasn?t my house, ma?am.?
|
| ?Oh, right, it was his friend.  Now, didn?t his mother die the day
| before or something??
|
| Three weeks.
|
| ?A few weeks, actually.  Her name was??
|
| She doesn?t let me tell her Becky?s name.  Too bad, I cared for Becky
| and miss her a lot, but she is a much safer topic.  However, this woman
| just wants to say her piece and interrupts with, ?Well its too bad
| things like that happen around the holidays.  At least you all had a
| better Christmas this year.?
|
| Oh yeah, it was just fucking great.
|
| ?I really have to get going, ma?am, if you could just sign right here.?
|
| I put my pen at the beginning of the line, all she has to do is grab it
| and sign.
|
| I think I came off a bit brusque, she seems taken aback and I realize I
| probably could have handled this much more graciously.  Sometimes I get
| hit with it out of the blue and I?m okay, sometimes it still knocks the
| wind out of me ? this is one of those times.  I think it?s all the
| toddler stuff in this house.  It always makes me think of the grand kids
| I won?t have.  I have to get out of here.  I?m not a big follower of the
| John Wayne Book of Manhood, but I still don?t like to let strangers see
| me cry.
|
| ?Its not something I like to talk about,? I tell her, ?and I?m am
| running late.?
|
| She seems assuaged, at least a little and signs the paper.  She thanks
| me, I thank her and I leave.
|
| By the time I hit my truck the tears are already running.  The drive
| home is blurry.  All I can think about are the old dreams I used to have
| of Chris coming for the Holidays with car seats and diaper bags, a
| couple little ones in tow who are excited to see Grandma and Grandpa
| because we spoil them rotten.  Tony would show up with his rug rats as
| well and we would all have a rousing good time watching the kids ?
| cousins who are as close as siblings ? playing and arguing.
|
| During these visions I picture Chris as the man he could have become ?
| would have become.  The man the world will never know ? much to the
| world?s detriment I am sure.
|
| By the time I pull into my driveway I am down most of a box of tissue
| and the Walmart bag hanging from the corner of my glove compartment is
| just about full.  I manage to compose myself before going inside.  I
| don?t feel much like eating ? I?m late for supper anyway.  I watch the
| state of the union address but I?m really not watching or even
| listening.  If one were to look closely it would be evident that I?m not
| focused on the screen, I?m not focused on anything.
|
| I become aware that Elena is not watching the television either, she is
| watching me ? she can tell.  She doesn?t say anything.
|
| Eventually it is bedtime.
|
| We lay in bed, nestled together, its how we end most days, just holding
| one another.
|
| ?It was a bad one today.?  Is all I say.
|
| Elena?s embrace tightens a bit and she moves just a little bit closer to
| me.
|
| She still doesn?t say anything.
|
| She doesn?t ask me anything about it.
|
| She doesn?t have to.
|
| She has bad ones too.