Re: A Canadian Invention

["Edmund Fitzgerald" <ef@xxxxxxxxxxxx>]

"Roger W" <allucan8@xxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:da0b9069-51fd-4395-a417-91177f13c6a1@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> On Feb 8, 6:01 pm, Roger W <alluc...@xxxxxxx> wrote:
>> A long time and valued subscriber made an unusual request of me today.
>> She asked if I could add a flatulence detector to her existing alarm
>> system. It seems that her elderly husband who stays home while she
>> works, gets bored and parties with a can of beans, broccoli or
>> whatever he gets his hands on and forgets to open the windows before
>> she gets home.
>>
>> I explained that a flatulence detector, if one existed, could only
>> detect, annunciate and report but could not prevent an unpleasant
>> odorous situation. She acknowledged the fact but said she wanted the
>> central to call and alert her before she got home so she could
>> remotely activate the central air unit.
>>
>> But that's not the point. While doing a search on fart detection I
>> found out that my favorite toy, the Whoopie cushion, AKA Poo-Poo
>> cushion, was invented in 1950 by employees of the Jem Rubber Co. of
>> Toronto Canada. With this knowledge, I now have greater respect and
>> admiration for our Canadian brothers and sisters.
>>
>> RW
> Originally, my post was to honor our Canadian friends for their
> (according to Wikipedia) invention of the "Whoopie Cushion". I found
> this information quite by accident while searching for an appropriate
> flatulence detector for a customer.
>
> When I was a young boy my father gave me my first "Whoopie Cushion".
> He said it would aid in helping me release my tensions and
> hostilities. Curious to hear what it would sound like in a echo type
> environment, that Saturday, I snuck it into the confessional booth
> while waiting for the priest to arrive. Unbeknownst to me he had
> already arrived and in the process of hearing a confession on the
> other side of the booth. As soon as I ran my first test, the sliding
> door suddenly opened up with Father Brown's angry face staring right
> down at me. At that moment I thought I had soiled my pants. Father
> Brown began to cautiously sniff the air and then began to hear my
> confession.
>
> After the usual: disobeyed my parents three times, told a lied two
> times, had impure thoughts 180 times, I ran out of there as fast as I
> could.
>
> That Sunday at the nine o'clock children's Mass, I and a few of my
> chums thought it would be risky but funny to blow a few while singing
> the Hymns and under the cover of a loud organ playing. Unfortunately,
> due to lousy timing I managed to cut one during a brief pause in the
> music.
>
> One of the meanest Nuns I have ever known managed to figure out where
> this rude sound was coming from and zeroed in on me because I was the
> only one trying to keep a straight face.
> After dragging me out of the church and beating my ass with great
> vigor, my only consolation was that I managed to save my "whoppie
> cushion" in my shirt at the last second.
>
> So I guess I can also thank my Canadian friends for that and all the
> other ass whippings I caught when I was a kid in school because of
> their fucking "Canadian Invention"
>

I take it the writers strike has been settled.

This is some funny stuff.  I read it earlier in the evening and I'm still
laughing.  Even though my Catholic school education was cut short at only
three months due to a minor misunderstanding, I can still relate to a verbal
ass whipping by a mother superior who was the meanest woman I had come
across up until that time.

I seem to remember ordering my whoopie cushions (they would always disappear
from my room) from advertisements in the back pages of Mechanics
Illustrated.  I believe they came from the Wham-O Corporation, which was a
purveyor of all sorts of necessities for boys.  I especially appreciated
Wham-O's highly accurate machine made slingshots with surgical gum rubber
slings and ball bearing ammo.