* SonicDuck, 2001 version *

["Stanley Barthfarkle" <sbarth@xxxxxxxxx>]

****Here's one about our new friend written by someone in May 2001, when he
was
trolling their newsgroup-****




Christopher Jones, you swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag
of filth. As we say in Texas, I'll bet you couldn't pour piss out of a
boot with instructions on the heel.  You are a canker. A sore that won't
go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you.


You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm
deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a
weasel.  Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a
revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.


You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly
with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this
world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the
puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselfs in
recognition of what they had done.


I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species
as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very
thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you.
You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the
dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?


Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to
impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will
still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more
rapidly.


You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its
beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly
briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of
your ignoble blood. May you ckoke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your
own trite, foolish beliefs.


You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty
and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus.
Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are
unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that
reality forgot.


And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements
of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you
hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more
weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle,
waiting for the bite of the snake?


You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and
obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living
emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease,
you puerile one-handed slack-jawed drooling meatslapper.


On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient
in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You
are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of
all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.


You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock.
You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish
foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless
crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered
bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You
gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing
beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill.


You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate,
noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise
everything about you, and I wish you would go away.


I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid.
Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the
stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are
trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that
even the neutrons have collapsed.  Stupid gotten so dense that no
intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on
Mercury stupid.  You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy
emits in a year. Quasar stupid.  Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing
in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial
fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a
stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of
physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of
stupid for me.  After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I
don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half
baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this
drivel.  Duh.


You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly,
deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent,
opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted,
racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic,
insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, byzantine,
conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libelous, bilious, splenetic,
spastic, ignorant, clueless, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb,
evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative,
paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic,
diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive,
dim, crazy, weird, dystopic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim,
unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive,
mind-numbing, arassive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive,
socially-retarded, puerile, clueless, and generally Not Good.


the only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away
most of your of whay you wrote, because, well... it didn't really say
anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was pitiful. I
mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of
babbling was hardly effective... Maybe later in life, after you have
learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success.
True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take
for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes
forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these
things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I
would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort
of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the
emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on
you.


DS