Re: disconnect letters

["Robert L Bass" <no-sales-spam@bassburglaralarms>]

> Hey...anyone have any creative Collect
> or Disconnect letters? I got a couple
> of deadbeats I wanna blast.
> This could be a fun thread too :-)

Dear [deadbeat name]:

You account is now in arrears in the amount of $[#,###.##].  You have not responded to the previous [###] invoices, statements and
requests for payment which we sent to you over the past [##] months.  We are certain that this is nothing but an honest oversight on
your part.  Perhaps you simply forgot to open the last three certified letters.  Busy as you are avoiding paying all your other
bills this is perfectly understandable.

Please be informed that in accordance with paragraph 2,459b -- sub part AL25 of your contract, your account with [company] is now
terminated.  Your alarm system has been reprogrammed so that the front door will activate the fire alarm sounder whenever opened,
day or night.  All motion detectors have been programmed to turn the furnace off for three hours whenever motion is sensed during
winter months.  Window sensors have been programmed to activate your lawn sprinklers.  Central monitoring has been discontinued.
However, your alarm will now dial a 900 number in China once per hour until further notice.

In order to give you one last opportunity to make good on your contract, the above changes have been placed on delayed activation
for 24 hours.  Should you wish to revert to normal system operation, please drop by our office with an envelop containing the full
amount owed in cash plus a $125 service fee to cover the cost of reprogramming your alarm.

As always, it is our pleasure to serve and protect you and your family.  Thank you for your kind attention to this matter.

Sincerely,
[you]