OT. dictionary for women's personal ads

["Don" <don@xxxxxx>]

 40-ish.............................................49
      Adventurous................. Slept with everyone
      Athletic...................................... No tits
      Average looking.................... Ugly
      Beautiful........................... Pathological liar
      Contagious Smile.................. Does a lot of pills
      Emotionally Secure...................... On medication
      Feminist.......................................... Fat
      Free spirit.................................... Junkie
      Friendship first.......................... Former slut
      Fun.......................................... Annoying
      New-Age............ Body hair in the wrong places
      Old-fashioned............................. No BJs
      Open-minded................................. Desperate
      Outgoing...................... Loud and Embarrassing
      Passionate............................... Sloppy drunk
      Professional.................................... Bitch
      Voluptuous................................... Very Fat
      Large frame................................. Hugely Fat
      Wants Soul mate............................... Stalker


      WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
      1. Yes = No
      2. No = Yes
      3. Maybe = No
      4. We need = I want..
      5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
      6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
      7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
      8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
      9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
      10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think
about?


      MEN'S ENGLISH:
      1. I am hungry = I am hungry
      2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
      3. I am tired = I am tired
      4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
      5. I love you = Let's have sex now
      6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
      7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
      8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
      9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
      10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
      11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay