Re: The _________ Is Beeping

[Bob La Londe <none@none.com99>]

On 4/11/2021 2:41 PM, ABLE1 wrote:
 > On 4/11/2021 2:03 PM, Bob La Londe wrote:
 >> I have had customers tell me the ___________ is beeping in the middle
 >> of the night for no good reason.
 >>
 >> a) Keypad
 >> b) Window Contact
 >> c) Motion Sensor
 >> d) ____________ (other)
 >> e) All of the above
 >>
 >>
 >>
 >
 >
 > LOL
 >
 > So Bob, I know I shouldn't ask, but is this a trick question??
 >
 > OR
 >
 > Just a quiz, for the feeble minded??
 >
 > Lets go for a)
 >
 > No No No!! d) __Your_Keypad__        Final Answer!!
 >
 >
 > Les




I've had more than a few customers tell me my keypad was beeping.



RING! RING!

Them:  Your stupid keypad is beeping.

Me:  Wow, have can you tell?

Them:  Because its infernally loud and annoying?

Me:  I'm impressed.  Your hearing is amazing.

Them:  SO WHY IS IT BEEPING???

Me:  Hold on let me go look....   It says low battery.

Them:  So what are you going to do about it?

Me:  I'm going to go upstairs to the communications room and change the
battery.

Them:  We don't have an upstairs.

Me:  Ok.  I do and that's where my control panel is.

Them:  WHAT???!!!???!!!

Me:  Oh, is your keypad beeping?

Them:  YES!  THAT'S WHAT I TOLD YOU!

Me:  No you told me my keypad was beeping.  I was impressed that you
could hear it from your house.

Them:  Are some kind of dumb ass?

Me:  No not at all.  I am a smart ass.

Them:  So what are you going to do about it.

Me:  I'm going to go upstairs and change my alarm backup battery.  I
already told you that.

Them:  I MEAN ABOUT MY KEYPAD BEEPING YOU MOTHER ____ING TWIT!

Me:  Just a moment... Oh, I see you cancelled service two years ago with
a past due balance.  I do not perform service for accounts with a past
due balance.

Them:  WHAT THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT IT?

Me:  Well, you could sell your house.

Them:  ARE YOU STUPID?

Me:  No not at all.  The new owner wouldn't have a past due balance.  I
would not have an issue performing a service call for them.

Them:  Can you tell me how to shut the darn thing up.

Me:  You want me to tell somebody over the phone how to disable an alarm
system?  What if you are a burglar calling from your house?  No I
couldn't perform that service for you even if you didn't have a past due
balance.

Them:  WELL I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR KEYPAD OFF THE WALL!

Me:  I do hope you mean your keypad.  You can do what you like to your
property as far as I am concerned.  If you rip my keypad off the wall
I'll file a criminal damage complaint against you.

Them:  YOUR AN ASSHOLE!

Me:  I can just hear you misspelled that.

Them:  WHAT?!?!  WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO?

Me:  Well a minute ago you threatened to tear my keypad off the wall,
but I really think you meant you were going to tear your keypad off the
wall.  That's my best guess as to your plans anyway.

Them:  How can I get this fixed?

Me:  If you want me to fix it mail me a check for $xxx.xx to cover your
past due balance.

Them:  Then will you come fix it.

Me:  After I receive a deposit to cover the cost of the service call
since you have a history of not paying your bill sure.

Them:  Well how much is that?

Me:  $xxx.xx

Them:  Forget it!

Me:  Ok,  <CLICK>

RING! RING!

Them:  YOU HUNG UP ON ME YOU JERK!

Me:  Who is this?

Them:  This the person who was just complaining that your keypad is
beeping and driving me crazy.

Me:  Just a second.  Oh yeah.  You told me to forget it so I figured the
best way to do that was to stop talking about it.

Them:  So are you going to fix it or not.

Me:  I already did.  My keypad isn't beeping any longer.

Them:  What is wrong with you?

Me:  Nothing I am aware?  Why?  What have you heard?  Did my doctor
violate my HIPA rights and tell you something?

Them:  Your keypad is driving me crazy?

Me:  I don't understand.  I'm sitting right next to it and its not
making a sound.  I told you when you called before I was going to go
upstairs and change the battery.

Them:  NO!!! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT MY KEYPAD?!?

Me:  Nothing I don't service past due accounts.

Them:  Can I pay the bill?

Me:  Sure.  You are always welcome to pay your bills.  In fact society
encourages one to pay their debts.

Them:  Then will you come fix my keypad?

Me:  Oh, is your keypad broken?

Them:  I TOLD YOU ITS BEEPING.

Me:  I'm not sure you ever actually stated that your keypad was beeping,
but that's not an indication that its broken.  Its probably functioning
exactly how its supposed to and telling you there is a problem with your
alarm system.

Them:  Are you trying to be smart?

Me:  No.  I am already relatively smart.  I'm trying to be patient.

Them:  So are you going to fix my alarm or not?

Me:  I do not perform service for past due accounts.

Them:  So what the hell am I supposed to do?

Me:  Well if you have changed your mind about your previous plan of
action might I suggest you reconsider mine?

Them:  What?

Me:  Sell your house.

Them:  Screw You Asshole!  <CLICK!)


RING! RING!

Them:  Hey I just bought this house that has your alarm decals on it,
and there is a giant hole in the wall with a keypad stuffed into.  Could
I pay you to come out and fix it?

Me:  Sure.  I can be over there in the morning.  I do not paint match,
but I can suggest a guy.

Them:  That would be great.  See you tomorrow.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Some all or none of these things may or may not have been said, done, or
have happened.




--
This email has been checked for viruses by AVG.
https://www.avg.com