Re: A few to make you laugh

[Bob La Londe <none@none.com99>]

On 4/19/2020 12:04 PM, ABLE1 wrote:
 > On 4/19/2020 12:32 PM, Bob La Londe wrote:
 >> On 4/19/2020 9:08 AM, ABLE1 wrote:
 >>> There was this realtor that got a call from a prospective buyer.
 >>> The caller said he was new to the area and was looking for a house.
 >>> He said that it had to have a lo'stau.  So the realtor thought of
 >>> the perfect house for the guy.  They set a time and meet at the house.
 >>> They walked through the front door and there was this beautiful statue
 >>> of the Venus Di Milo in the foyer.  The buyer looked through the entire
 >>> house at his leisure.  Returned to the front door and said.
 >>> "I lika da house but there is no lo'stau!!  Whata elsea you gots."
 >>>
 >>> So the realtor was a bit puzzled, but being the professional he was
 >>> he said there was a house across town that might suit.  So, they
 >>> met at another house.  This house had a large granite statue in the
 >>> front yard of Zeus.  As well as a few other smaller statues around
 >>> the yard of other mythical creatures.  The buyer got out of the car
 >>> and started his walk through.  Once he finished he returned to the
 >>> car and said  "I lika dis house hasa well but there is no lo'stau!!
Whata elsea you gots."
 >>>
 >>> Now the realtor is trying to remain cool.  But, he about to reach
 >>> the end of his rope.  But again being the professional he was says.
 >>> I know of another house that may be of your liking but it will take
 >>> a couple of days to set up a walk through.
 >>> The buyer says "Datsa ok, you a leta me know."
 >>>
 >>> A couple of days later the realtor has the new house set for a show.
 >>> He brought in a multitude of statues from around the area to this one
 >>> big house.  There are statues at the gate entrance, in the front yard,
 >>> in house entrance, small ones in the kitchen, in the basement, in the
 >>> dining room, by the pool, even in the master bath!!  Surely this will
 >>> meet the buyers request.  The buyer shows up.  Does an entire walk
 >>> through that takes over an hour.  He returns to the realtor and says.
 >>> "I lika da house but there is NO lo'stau!!"
 >>>
 >>> The realtor loses it and screams at the buyer.
 >>> YOU CAN"T SEE THE STATUES?? THEY ARE EVERY WHERE!!!
 >>>
 >>> The buyer says no.  Thatsa nota what I a wanta.  I wanta one of
 >>> dhosa dhings you a pick up and say "hello is dat you"!!
 >>>
 >>
 >> I first heard that as a Polack joke when I was a kid.  My mom is
Polish and German (primarily) and she used to know all the best Polack
jokes. Her maiden name was Clements which had been shortened from
Clementski when her grandfather came from the old country.  Very Polish.
  LOL.
 >>
 >> Halo'Statu
 >>
 >> You did a very good job of telling it in type, but its really an
audible.
 >>
 >> ... and in his thick Polish accent he said, "I want a little
halo'statu in the corner."
 >>
 >> "A hallow statue mused?" the realtor.  "Ok.  People want what they
want."
 >>
 >> This is one of those areas were PC has destroyed a basically
harmless racial joke.  In this age you just can't tell it right without
being branded a racist.  Heck, mentioning the skin color of a cold
blooded killer to help identify them to police can get you branded as a
racist... unless they are lily white.  Then its ok, but not if they are
an albino...
 >
 >
 > Bob,
 >
 > What I did in type was very difficult.  I remembered the story in bits
 > and pieces from way back when.... And started to type.  I had to type it
 > out correctly and then go back and started to put the audible in between
 > the words to make it read almost right.  As I did I started to remember
 > more of the story until I got it a right as I could.  Phewwwww!!
 >
 > Thanks for the approval.
 >
 > As for the racist portion makes me think that who would be more of a
 > racist?  The one telling the story or the one listening.  Personally
 > I never think of it that way.  I just think it is a funny story.
 >
 > FWIW when my Dad told the story I thought it is an Italian that wanted
 > a lo'stau or halo'statu as you put it.  Both sound good to me!!  LOL
 >
 > Les


A poor hunchback had lost his arms in a riding accident.  He got by on
the charity of others for a while, but living on the street and begging
wounded his pride to much.  He was determined to find some job he could
do no matter how menial.  Earning a living no matter how meager was
better than sleeping in doorways and begging.

He went into every business in town asking for work.  Most threw him out
before he had the chance to ask.  Finally he showed up in front of a
church.  He started inside when a priest saw him and said "Hey come
around back.  We will feed you and give you a coin."

"No.  Replied the hunchback.  I don't want charity.  I want to earn my
own way.  Do you have any jobs I could do?"

The priest looked him up and down trying to appear kindly as he
evaluated the hunchback.  "No, he replied. I don't think so.  Our bell
ringer has passed away, but without arms I don't see how you could do
that job."

The hunchback said.  "LET ME TRY!  I want to be a service to my
community.  Not a hindrance."

"Ok, you ring the bell at the right times, and you can have the job.  If
you can do it you will sleep in the tower, eat with the priests, and
every Monday will give you a few coins you can use for the things you
might need.  If you can not do the job though you are out.  We can't
have a bell ringer that can't ring the bell."

The hunchback hurried to the church tower.  Services would be starting
soon and he needed to show his worth.  He tried grabbing the bell rope
with his feet.  He tried grabbing the bell rope in his mouth.  Nothing
was working.  He climbed the tower to stare directly at the bell.  It
was like it was taunting him.  Finally out of frustration I got back
against one wall and ran at the bell.  He just bounced off of it and
than he heard a gong as the bell rang.  He had it.  It was going to be
hard, but he knew he had a job.  He could make a living.  He became the
church's bell ringer.  Each time he needed to ring the bell he would get
up against the wall and run at the bell hard to make it ring.  He did it
as many times as needed.  Whether it was to alert the town of an
emergency, let them know services were about to start, or just ring the
time.  He took pride in his work.

For decades he performed the chore he had found for himself.  As he got
older his eyesight began to fail, but it was no matter.  It was a big
bell.  He continued to do the job even if he struggled to climb down and
back up the stairs at meal times.  He continued on for years more.

One day he prepared to ring the bell for an important ceremony.  He had
decided he was going to ring the bell louder than ever. He got back
against the wall and aimed as best as he could at the big blur that was
all he could see of the giant bell anymore.  He ran as hard as he could
at the bell, but he glance off the side of it.  Stumbling to recover his
balanced he came up to the open window and fell to his death on the
sidewalk below.

A crowd of townspeople began to gather.  "Who is it?" one would ask.

"Where did he come from?" another chimed in.

One older fellow walk up to peer closely at the dead hunchback and said,
"I'm not sure who he is but his face rings a bell."