Bush Late Night Comedy

["Robert L Bass" <RobertLBass@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

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"George Bush was elected president of the United States, and you know
what they say, the first time is always the sweetest." --Bill Maher

"Did you see how happy President Bush was yesterday when he found out
he won? Man he couldn't decide whether he should give a victory
speech or announce the invasion of Iran." --Jay Leno

"President Bush was really sweating this, because he knew if Kerry
won, he's probably make Bush go to Iraq and finish his National Guard
service." --Jay Leno

"Earlier today, John Kerry went hunting for geese in Ohio, but
President Bush says Kerry only did it for the photo op. The weird
part is that Bush said this while wearing a flight suit and standing
on the deck of an aircraft carrier." --Conan O'Brien

"But down in Florida in the early voting, there were computer
glitches, confusing ballots, long lines and chaos. And when President
Bush heard about this, he said, 'Mission accomplished!'" --David
Letterman

"Over the weekend, President Bush told a crowd of supporters in
Florida that he is the best protection from the draft. That's not
true. Bush's dad was the protection from the draft." --Jay Leno

"We still don't know what the deal is what that thing in Bush's back,
but I tell you, if God has a sense of humor, it is something that can
only be cured with stem cell research." --Bill Maher, on the bulge in
Bush's back during the first presidential debate

"During the debate, Bush was asked by a lady to name three mistakes
he's made. And Bush responded, this debate, the last debate and the
next debate." --Bill Maher

"This was the town hall debate, and Bush says he likes the personal
feel of a town hall. There's something about getting out there and
lying directly to people's faces." --Bill Maher

"There was one awkward moment where a black man stood-up to ask a
question and out of habit, Bush said 'Clemency denied.'" --Bill Maher

"Tonight's debate was what they called the town hall debate. Both
candidates were seated on stools. It was funny, from force of habit,
Bush said 'Scotch and water, hold the ice.'" --David Letterman

"62 million people tuned into the debate this week. That's almost one
viewer for every time President Bush said ' mixed message.'" --Bill
Maher

"I don't want to say who won this debate, but today the FCC is
furious and is fining the networks for showing the emperor with no
clothes." --Bill Maher

"Political experts say President Bush was off his game. He looked
distracted, confused, a little at a loss for words. Off his game?
That is Bush's game." --Jay Leno, on the debate

"Of course you know, President Bush has been taking a couple days off
this week to prepare for the debates. In fact, he's having a
microchip implanted in his ear. This will allow Dick Cheney to speak
to him directly. 'It's pronounced 'Fallujah' 'Abu Ghraib.'" --Jay
Leno

"The debate deal for three debates almost fell apart because John
Kerry did not want a light to flash when his time was almost up. And
George Bush didn't want a light to flash because he's easily
distracted." --Jay Leno

"Both candidates now are trying to lower expectations for how they'll
do on the debates. For example, Kerry tried to lower expectations for
himself by saying Bush has never lost a debate and that he is a
formidable opponent. Then Bush lowered expectations for himself when
he said, 'Hey, what does "formable" mean?'" --Jay Leno

"Bush bragged that more Iraqis say their country is on the right
track than Americans say our country is on the right track. Boy,
there's a campaign slogan for you -- 'America: More F*cked Up Than
Fallujah!'" --Bill Maher

"Republicans are now saying that Dan Rather should lose his job
because he misled the country with bogus information. Which is odd
because the Democrats are saying the exact same thing about President
Bush." --Jay Leno

"Democrats are saying that President Bush is refusing to take part in
a town hall debate with John Kerry because Bush is worried about the
questions the audience will ask him. After hearing this, the
president said, 'That's ridiculous. I'm not worried about the
questions, I'm worried about the answers." --Conan O'Brien

"In a speech yesterday, President Bush said it is critical that the
president speak both clearly and consistently. Then, immediately
afterwards, Bush resigned." --Conan O'Brien

"There's a lot of controversy surrounding the authenticity of this
memos shown on '60 Minutes' concerning President Bush and his service
in the National Guard. If there's one thing you don't want to see,
it's a president who didn't really win the election being brought
down by phony documents." --Jay Leno

"Political pundits are saying President George W. Bush has made gains
in two key states: dazed and confused." --David Letterman

"In a shocking new book by Kitty Kelley, acquaintances of President
Bush say that when he was in the National Guard that he liked to
sneak out back for a joint or go in the bathroom and do cocaine.
Isn't that unbelievable? They actually found people who saw Bush in
the National Guard." --Jay Leno

"Monday on NBC Bush said about the war on terrorism, 'I don't think
we can win it.' And yesterday he said at a rally, 'We will win it."
John Kerry is furious. Now Bush is beating him on flip-flopping. Hey,
that was his issue." --Jay Leno

"The Republican Convention goes on all week, and of course, the
highlight will be toward the end of the week. George Bush will show
up for one day, you know, just like he did in the National
Guard." --David Letterman

"The President and Mrs. Bush were on 'Larry King' last night and the
president said, 'America is absolutely better off today than it was 4
years ago.' Then he said, 'Did I say America, I meant
Chevron.'" --Bill Maher

"The president finally explained why he sat in that classroom on 9/11
for 7 minutes after he was told the country was under attack. He said
he was 'collecting his thoughts.' What a time to start a new
hobby.'" --Bill Maher

"President Bush is trying to put a positive spin on the latest bad
economic numbers. Today he declared victory in the 'War on
Jobs.'" --Craig Kilborn

"Is it me or is Bush going everywhere Kerry goes? So far in the past
week, President Bush has followed John Kerry to Davenport, Iowa; New
Mexico; Las Vegas; Los Angeles; and he follows him to Portland,
Oregon. The only place he never followed John Kerry was
Vietnam." --Jay Leno

"President Bush said yesterday it doesn't make any sense to raise
taxes on the rich because rich people can figure out how to dodge
taxes. Then Dick Cheney said 'Shut up! You're ruining
everything.'" --Jay Leno

"Have you noticed how the Republicans and Democrats try to copy each
other at their conventions. Like at the Democratic convention John
Kerry's daughter told a story about how he once gave CPR to her
hamster. At the Republican convention the Bush girls are going to
tell a story about how when their hamster was bad, their dad built
them a little electric chair." -Jay Leno

"The L.A. Times reports that al Qaeda terrorists have been traced to
Iran, and President Bush is talking tough. In fact he said he will
attack the minute he has evidence his approval rating is under 45
percent." -Jay Leno

"As the Democrats get revved up at their convention in Boston,
President Bush is fighting back the only way he knows how: by going
on vacation! Ah, it's nice to take a rest, replenish your supply of
smirks. The vacation was expected, because Bush traditionally takes a
month off every summer to relax and avoid reading National Security
Warnings." -Craig Kilborn

"Campaigning in Iowa yesterday President Bush vowed he will not raise
taxes in the next four years. He said I believe it is hard, very
difficult to raise taxes when you are not president." -Craig Kilborn

"Imagine if they delay the election. This could mean that Bush would
be the longest serving president never to get elected." -Jay Leno, on
reports that the election may be delayed in the event of a terrorist
attack

"One guy who's excited about the handover is President George Bush.
He's thrilled about turning over power back to Iraq. You know why?
Because he's thinking about invading them again." -David Letterman

"Saddam Hussein is about to face trial and George Bush wants to
execute him. Not because of the war crimes, but because Saddam is
beating him in the polls." - Craig Kilborn

"Rumors have restarted that the Republican ticket will not be
Bush-Cheney. But today those rumors were put to rest when Cheney
said, 'No, I'm keeping him on the ticket.'" -Jay Leno

"Former President Bush, to celebrate his 80th birthday, jumped out of
an airplane. And if you've seen the polls, you know he's not the only
Bush in freefall." -David Letterman

"Newly released transcripts reveal that President Nixon was drunk
during the Arab-Israeli crisis of 1973. After hearing this, President
Bush said, 'Hey, so was I!'" -Conan O'Brien

"Bush explained his strategy for transfer of power. It's a two part
plan. Part one: clean out his desk. Part two: rent a U-Haul." -David
Letterman

"Homeland Security has warned of possible summer attacks by Al Qaeda.
And it must be pretty serious because President Bush has already
ignored three memos about this." -David Letterman

"President Bush is going to establish elections there in Iraq. He's
going to rebuild the infrastructure. He's going to create jobs. He
said if it works there, he'll try it here." -David Letterman

"President Bush announced he has a five-point strategy for getting
out of Iraq. Points six through 10 will be handled by the Kerry
administration." -David Letterman

"President Bush fell off his mountain bike down on his ranch in
Texas. A couple weeks ago, John Kerry fell off his bicycle. See,
doesn't this make you miss President Clinton? That guy, he could ride
anything without falling off." -Jay Leno

"Bush fell off his bike while mountain biking on his ranch over the
weekend. He hit a rough spot in the trail. There's a switch - the
environment hurting Bush." -Jay Leno

"President Bush fell off his bicycle this weekend and you know what
was really sad? It's a stationary bike." -Jay Leno

"You know what really makes this embarrassing? The other day the
president said the leaders in Iraq are 'ready to take off the
training wheels.' That's what he said, 'take off the training
wheels.' Then he goes out and falls off his bicycle. And they wonder
why the rest of the world doesn't take us seriously." -Jay Leno

"A White House spokesmen said he fell because it's been raining a lot
and the top soil is loose. We went ahead and looked up the rain for
real in Crawford, Texas. May 15th, 0.0 inches of rain. May 16th, 0.0
inches of rain. 17th no rain. 18th, 19th, 20th, 21st, 22nd, and 23rd
no rain. First he chokes on a pretzel; now he fell off his bike. Mr.
President, when are you going to admit that Laura is abusing you?
There is no shame in being a battered husband." -Jimmy Kimmel

"With Iraq plunging into chaos and gas prices at record highs
President Bush took time out this weekend for a ride on his bicycle,
but unfortunately he fell off and sustained cuts to his face and
hands. Apparently Bush was distracted by the enormous
responsibilities of the presidency. I'm just kidding. He hit some
gravel or something." -Craig Kilborn

"Doctor's concluded that the president's fall hadn't done any damage
when he appeared confused and disoriented." -Craig Kilborn

"The prison scandal is really hurting President Bush's poll numbers.
In fact, I hear he's already working on his concession smirk." -Craig
Kilborn

"President Bush delivered a commencement speech at a university in
Wisconsin. A very inspirational speech. Apparently Bush told the
students, 'You can do anything in life if your parents work hard
enough.'" -Conan O'Brien

"President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney are scheduled to
testify before the 9/11 commission. I guess right now they're
finalizing the seating arrangements. Should Bush sit on Cheney's
right knee or his left knee?" -Jay Leno

"President Bush's campaign is now attacking John Kerry for throwing
away some of his medals to protest the Vietnam War. Bush did not have
any medals to throw away, but in his defense he did have all his
services records thrown out." -Jay Leno

"Two big announcements coming out of Washington, D.C. The tour of
duty for 20,000 troops in Iraq may be extended. That's too bad. And
the other announcement, the tour of duty for President Bush may not
be extended." -David Letterman

"According to the recent polls, Bush has a slight lead over John
Kerry. So today, Bush hung a banner over the White House saying,
'Mission Accomplished.'" -David Letterman

"We ought to thank President Bush. He made it a lot easier for people
to do taxes this year. No job, no income tax this year." -Jay Leno

"President Bush earned $400,000 for his job as president last year.
That's not really that much for being president when you think about
it. But President Bush, he doesn't do it for the money, he does it
for the eight months of vacation every year." -Jay Leno

"The other night, President Bush's press conference was pre-empted by
'American Idol.' You know the difference between President Bush and
'American Idol?' See, on 'American Idol,' the one with the most votes
wins." -Jay Leno

"I saw the president on TV. I think he's only had three press
conferences during prime time. I though he looked calm. I thought he
looked confident. I thought he looked focused. That's right, he was
drinking again." -David Letterman

"It was a tough press conference for President Bush. He spent the
first ten minutes trying to pronounce Fallujah. ... Bush insisted
that Iraq is not Vietnam. Of course not, he avoided Vietnam." -David
Letterman

"In his press conference last night, President Bush said he could not
remember a single mistake he had made in the last two years. The
president's exact quote was: 'I ain't make none mistakes
ever.'" -Conan O'Brien

"Last night, President Bush gave a prime-time press conference. It
was such a big deal that Fox decided to preempt American Idol. Which
made sense to me, you don't want too many amateurs on in one
night." -David Letterman

"CIA Director George Tenet has now testified before the 9/11
commission and he said we are still making the same dumb mistakes,
like leaving memos on the President's desk." -David Letterman

"President Bush released his tax returns yesterday. He listed the
economy as a liability. He gets to write that off." -Jay Leno
"Earlier today, the White House released President Bush's tax return.
Not surprisingly, under dependents, the president listed
Iraq." -Conan O'Brien

"President Bush insisted that there was nothing in the August 6th,
2001 briefing, which was titled 'Bin Laden determined to attack the
United States', that hinted what bin Laden was up to. Bush says that
he would have moved mountains to stop the attack. Yeah, but he draws
the line at reading a memo." -David Letterman

"In response to a request by the 9/11 commission the White House
agreed to declassify the president's daily intelligence briefing from
August 6th titled 'Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United
States.' The commission also wants to see the August 20th briefing,
'No Seriously Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United
States' and also from August 26th, 'Mr. President, Please Put Down
the Game Boy, Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United
States.'" -Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

"In response to the escalating violence in Iraq, President Bush is
delaying the return home of 25,000 troops and will actually add
reinforcements to the south. Then in a symbolic gesture he pulled
down the mission accomplished banner, put on a flight suit, walked
backwards to a jet fighter and flew it in reverse off an aircraft
carrier." -Tina Fey

"Senator Ted Kennedy said that Iraq was President Bush's 'Vietnam.'
When he heard about it, President Bush said, 'That's not true; I went
to Iraq."' -Conan O'Brien

"President Bush says now he is sticking to his plan for handing over
power to the Iraqis on June 30. It's also part of his plan to hand
over power to John Kerry on January 20." -David Letterman

"President Bush says he is looking forward to the testimony of
Condoleezza Rice. Yes, he is very excited about Condoleezza Rice's
testimony before Congress. Well, it makes perfect sense - he wants to
know what was going on, too." -David Letterman

"President Bush got a little upset with a reporter for calling him
'sir' instead of 'Mr. President.' Man, how upset is he going to be
after the election when they start calling him George again?" -Jay
Leno

"President Bush says in the last month he has created 300,000 new
jobs. Yeah, they're called Kerry campaign workers." -Craig Kilborn

"There are 300,000 new jobs and Bush said he's confused, 'Can I take
credit for good news that I didn't even make up?'" -Craig Kilborn

"Not only will Condoleezza Rice testify, but President Bush has also
agreed to meet with the (9/11) commission. He's going to testify, but
he said he wants have Dick Cheney there with him. Why does he want
Cheney with him? What? Does he have a learner's permit to be
president and have to have an adult with him." -Jay Leno

"They said that President Bush's war in Iraq has cost the former
Spanish Prime Minister his job. So President Bush isn't losing
American jobs anymore, he's branching out to other countries." -Jay
Leno

"John Kerry says that foreign leaders want him to be president, but
that he can't name the foreign leaders. That's all right, President
Bush can't name them either." -David Letterman

"President Bush went out touting his economic record in Ohio last
week. Now this is a state that lost 225,000 jobs since Bush took
office. You know, if Bush wants to tout his record, he should do it
somewhere where the Bush economy has actually created jobs, like
India, or Thailand, or China." -Jay Leno

"John Kerry said today he wants to debate President Bush once a
month. Hey good luck, if Bush couldn't make it to the National Guard
once a month, he's not going to show up for this." -Jay Leno

"President Bush has unveiled his first campaign commercial,
highlighting all of his accomplishes in office. That's why it's a
60-second spot." -Jay Leno

"President Bush says he has just one question for the American
voters, 'Is the rich person you're working for better off now than
they were four years ago?'" -Jay Leno

"President Bush was in Los Angeles yesterday where he announced his
new campaign theme - 'Safer, Stronger, and Tested.' Isn't that a
condom ad?" -Jay Leno

"I heard this today and I thought this was fascinating and
interesting. President Bush has two daughters, two beautiful
daughters, and they may work on their father's presidential campaign
after they get out of college and I thought, well, that's a pretty
good move because in this economy, they won't be able to find real
jobs." -David Letterman

"The election is in full-swing. Republicans have taken out
round-the-clock ads promoting George Bush. Don't we already have
that? It's called Fox News." -Craig Kilborn

"The Bush campaign for re-election has officially begun. They're
actually running television commercials. Have you seen any of the
television commercials? In one of the commercials, you see George
Bush for thirty seconds. In another commercial, you get to see George
Bush for sixty seconds - kind of like his stint in the National
Guard." -David Letterman

"Kerry is well on his way to reaching his magic number of 2,162.
That's the total number of delegates he needs to win the Democratic
nomination. See for President Bush it's different - his magic number
is 5. That's the number of Supreme Court judges needed to win." -Jay
Leno

"There was a scare in Washington when a man climbed over the White
House wall and was arrested. This marks the first time a person has
gotten into the White House unlawfully since.President Bush." -David
Letterman

"Is it me or is President Bush's life starting to sound like a
country song. He's from Texas, his dog just died, and it looks like
he might lose his job. Next thing, his truck is going to break
down." -Jay Leno

"Some sad news, President Bush's lapdog passed away. Gee, I didn't
even know Tony Blair was sick?" -Jay Leno

"The Democrats say that President Bush doesn't have an exit strategy
for Iraq. Of course he does. If things don't go well, he exits in
November." -Jay Leno

"It looks like President Bush will be handing over power to the
Iraqis by June 30th. That's amazing and not only that, but it looks
like he'll be handing over power to the Democrats by November
2nd." -David Letterman

"A new poll says that if the election were held today, both John
Kerry and John Edwards would beat President Bush by double digit
margins. The White House is so worried about this, they're now
thinking of moving up the capture of Osama Bin Laden to next
month." -Jay Leno

"There's a rumor that President George Bush had a nose job, that he
had some kind of plastic surgery, that he actually had a nose job. If
this is true, that's the first new job he's created since taking
office." -David Letterman

"President Bush is now focusing on jobs. I think the one job he's
focusing most on is his own. The White House is now backtracking from
its prediction that 2.6 million new jobs will be created in the U.S.
this year. They say they were off by roughly 2.6 million jobs." -Jay
Leno

"In Louisiana, President Bush met with over 15,000 National Guard
troops. Here's the weird part, nobody remembers seeing him
there." -Craig Kilborn

"President Bush said he was 'troubled' by gay people getting married
in San Francisco. He said on important issues like this the people
should make the decision, not judges. Unless of course we're choosing
a president, then he prefers judges." -Jay Leno

"It was reported in the paper that President Bush received a 'warm
reception' from the Daytona 500 drivers. Well sure, the drivers had
never met anyone who was sponsored by more oil companies than they
were." -Jay Leno

"In his annual economic report to Congress President Bush said that
the transfer of American jobs overseas is actually part of a positive
transformation that will enrich the U.S. economy over time. So
basically, losing your job to someone else can be a good thing. Of
course we'll see how he feels about that in November." -Jay Leno

"In a new poll 54 percent believed President Bush exaggerated the
size of Iraq's missile threat. Hey, he's a guy." -Craig Kilborn

"Political analysts say that President Bush's re-election strategy is
to try and convince Americans that he's a war president. I don't get
that, do you think that'll work? I mean, don't you think that if he
tries to convince the American people that we need a war president,
isn't he afraid that they're going to vote for the guy that was
actually in a war?" -Jay Leno

"The White House has finally found one guy that kinda remembers
serving with President Bush in the National Guard. Now they just need
to find someone who remembers Bush working on an economic plan. ... I
think the White House spent more money looking for this guy than
finding weapons of mass destruction." -Jay Leno

"The White House has now released military documents that they say
prove George Bush met his requirements for the National Guard. Big
deal, we've got documents that prove Al Gore won the election." -Jay
Leno

"There was an embarrassing moment in the White House earlier today.
They were looking around while searching for George Bush's military
records. They actually found some old Al Gore ballots." -David
Letterman

"There's this huge controversy over the fact that President Bush
apparently received credit for National Guard service in Alabama in
'72 and '73 even though his commanding officers are saying he never
reported. I think what's even more disturbing is that he received
enough credits to graduate from Yale." -Jay Leno

"Bush did have an explanation, he said he did go to Alabama but when
he didn't find weapons of mass destruction, he went back to
Texas." -Jay Leno

"As John Kerry sails toward the Democratic nomination, new questions
are emerging about President Bush's service in the National Guard,
like where he was for six months in 1972 and why he refused to take a
routine physical. President Bush has vowed to get to the bottom of
this right after Election Day." -Craig Kilborn

"President Bush stopped off at a bass pro fishing store to pick up a
fishing reel, some line and some rubber worms. He's going to
disappear and go fishing. So he must think he's back in the National
Guard." -Jay Leno

"Critics are now saying that his dad got him out of going to Vietnam.
However, his dad did get him to go to Iraq." -Jay Leno
"Ironically, the possibility that the president dodged his military
service has increased his approval ratings with Democrats by 80
percent." -Craig Kilborn

"President Bush is not fazed by other candidates' war records. He
said, I may have not fought in Vietnam, but I created one." -Craig
Kilborn

"The big story now is that President Bush is coming under attack for
his service in the National Guard. The White House said, 'no no,'
that they have payroll records to show that he served in the National
Guard. But today, the commanding officers can't remember seeing Bush
between May and October of '72. President Bush said, 'Remember me?
I'm the drunk guy. Remember me?'" -Jay Leno

"President Bush is in the hot seat over Iraqi pre-war intelligence.
Remember the good ol' days when the only thing the president was
trying to cover up was a stain?" -Craig Kilborn

"On 'Meet the Press' yesterday President Bush was asked what he would
do if he lost the election and Bush said, ''Phhh, you mean like last
time?'" -Jay Leno

"They are having a panel look into the intelligence failures in Iraq.
It is a seven person panel and it will include Senator John McCain,
but the findings from this panel will not be issued until after the
election. President Bush says the commission can go off and report
back in a year, you know, the same way it works in the Texas National
Guard." -Bill Maher

"Bush the younger has two things going for him that his father never
had. One: an easy charm with regular people and two: the power to
make them disappear without a trial." -Bill Maher

"New Rule: If everybody was wrong about the weapons of mass
destruction, then somebody has to say, 'My bad.' ... For some reason,
the two words this president just can't seem to say are 'sorry' and
'nuclear.' Something is terribly wrong when the only person who has
been fired over terrorism is me." -Bill Maher

"Bush said the unemployment situation is turning around. Last week
alone, 5,000 people started working for John Kerry." -Craig Kilborn

"If there was one lesson to be drawn from Bush's appearance (on 'Meet
the Press') it's that he doesn't have to be forthcoming or honest.
And he's the first to tell you why. (Bush:) 'I'm a war president.' He
added: 'I guess I should have told you that back in 2000.'" -Jon
Stewart

"One critic in the L.A. Times said John Kerry looks like he is
thinking too much. Well this is one place President Bush has him
beat." -Jay Leno

"This week, both John Kerry and Wesley Clark are making campaign
appearance with the guys who saved their lives in Vietnam. Meanwhile,
President Bush is campaigning with a guy that once took a math test
for him." -Conan O'Brien

"President Bush released his new $2.4 trillion federal budget. It has
two parts: smoke and mirrors." -Jay Leno

"President Bush's approval rating is now down under 50 percent. So
now what he's going to have to do is let Saddam go so we can capture
him again." -David Letterman

"This Iraqi intelligence scandal is growing. Americans are asking,
'What did President Bush not know?' and 'When did he mispronounce
it?'" -Craig Kilborn

"Bush admitted that his pre-war intelligence wasn't what it should
have been. We knew that when we elected him!" -Jay Leno
"It's weird watching President Bush struggle with excuses for why we
went to war. As he struggles, it reminds us all what a terrific liar
Bill Clinton really was." -Craig Kilborn

"Oscar nominations came out today. Up for best actor, Sean Penn for
'Mystic River,' Jude Law for 'Cold Mountain,' and of course, George
W. Bush for 'Iraqi Weapons of Mass Destruction.'" -Jay Leno

"A Newsweek poll said if the election were held today, John Kerry
would beat Bush 49 percent to 46 percent. And today, President Bush
called Newsweek magazine a threat to world peace." -Jay Leno

"As you know President Bush gave his State of the Union Address,
interrupted 70 times by applause and 45 times by really big
words." -Jay Leno

"President Bush said that our kids must be taught how to read. He
said if his aides never learned to read, they'd never be able to tell
him what's in the newspapers every day." -Jay Leno

"President Bush said that American workers will need new skills to
get the new jobs in the 21st century. Some of the skills they're
going to need are Spanish, Chinese, Korean, because that's where the
jobs went. Who better than Bush as an example of what can happen when
you take a job without any training." -Jay Leno

"President Bush gave his State of the Union speech. I think he is
getting a little cocky. Instead of playing Hail to the Chief, he was
lowered to the podium to 'We are the Champions.'" -Craig Kilborn

"President Bush announced a major new plan for the United States to
put a man on the moon, which would be a really big story if this were
1962. Bush said he didn't remember anything about the 60's - I guess
he wasn't lying." -Jay Leno

"President Bush announced we're going to Mars, which means he's given
up on Earth." -Jon Stewart

"President Bush announced a billion dollar mission to the moon and
Mars. He came up with a snappy new slogan - to drill where no man has
drilled before." -Craig Kilborn

"President Bush wants to build a space station on the moon. And from
the moon, he wants to launch people to Mars. You know what this
means. He's been drinking again." -David Letterman

"Former Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill has written a book about his
years with the Bush Administration. He said that President Bush while
at cabinet meetings is disengaged, he's uninformed, distracted, he's
passive, and the Democrats are saying to themselves - how can we
possibly beat this guy?" -David Letterman

~Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman

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EMAIL;PREF;INTERNET:RobertLBass@xxxxxxxxxxx
REV:20080117T000459Z
END:VCARD

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