Re: OT: "It was a dark and stormy night"

[Jim <alarminex@xxxxxxx>]

On Aug 2, 10:56?pm, Frank Olson <Use-the-email-
li...@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
> Some of the latest contest winners (from the 25th annual Bulwer-Lytton
> Fiction Contest, a literary parody competition sponsored by San Jose
> State University):
>
> "The droppings of the migrating Canada geese just missed the outdoor
> revelers at the inaugural Asian math puzzle competition, marking the
> first time that dung flew over Sudoku Fest."


In a land far away an explorer found a tribe of natives that lived by
a high mountain. The tribe was very superstitious about a bird called
the Foo bird. The tribal leader explained that the story was handed
down for generations that one day this giant bird would hatch on top
of the mountain and fly down over the village. As the bird flew over,
it was going to shit all over the village and the viillagers. The
villagers were supposed to cover themselves with the bird doo and not
do anything to stop the bird or clean themselves or they would die.
This would bring good luck and long lives to everyone in the village
for another 100 years.

As luck would have it, while the explorer was in the village, all of a
sudden there was a screeching cry from the heavens and this giant bird
came down and just covered the entire village and everyone in it with
bird shit. All the villagers with laughing and singing and dancing,
now knowing that the old story was true. They rolled around in the
bird doo until they were totally covered.

Well, the explorer would have none of this and ran down to the river
and washed himself and his clothes thoroughly. As he walked out of the
river, he instantly dropped to the ground .... dead.

The chief gathered all his tribe around him and proclaimed .....

If the Foo shits ..... wear it.


> -Kevin P. Craver, Lakewood, Ill.
>
> "Gerald began - but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him
> ten per cent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a
> ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for
> them 'permanently' meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by
> searing lava or suffocated by choking ash - to pee."
>
> -Jim Gleeson, Madison, Wis.
>
> "The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife, not even a
> sharp knife, but a dull one from that set of cheap knives you received
> as a wedding gift in a faux wooden block; the one you told yourself
> you'd replace, but in the end, forgot about because your husband ran off
> with another man, that kind of knife."
>
> -Lisa Lindquist, Jackson, Mich.