Re: Help Wanted

["Everywhere Man" <alarminstall@xxxxxxx>]

Robert L Bass wrote:
>
> I'm still looking for a sales rep to work for me though. <

History has shown that you either can't count or you lie when numbers
are involved so I respectfully withdraw my name from consideration due
to fears you'd screw up every paycheck.

Payday at BassHome:

rep: ummm Robert my check was short this week. You said I earn 29%
commission.

Bass: no I said 28%

rep: Actually I have a post where you said 29%

Bass: That was clearly a typo. I meant to say 27%

rep: But you just said 28%

Bass: you've neglected to consider free shipping. It's 26%

rep: What happened to 27%?

Bass: You dolt I said back in 2002 I was in the trade for 27 years. I
never said commission was 27% when it is 25%.

rep: 25%? This just keeps getting lower and lower and lower

Bass: Son when I first opened Basshome in 1978 I learned one thing.
Always keep your numbers straight

rep: but you said 29% in the post and then said you meant 28. How did
we get to 25%?

Bass: not since the day I opened shop back in 1979 has anyone ever
questioned me

rep: but you just said you opened in 1978

Bass: I did

rep: but then you said 1979

Bass: 19.79 is the cost of our free shipping

rep: but shouldn't free be free?

Bass: only on orders over $125.00. that's when free shipping is only
$22

rep: Mr. Bass I am very confused right now. Can I just have my check so
I can go home now?

Bass: Check? What check?

rep: my check for working here

Bass: You don't work for me you work for bassburglaralarms. That's my
brother's shop. He will pay you

rep: but you hired me not your brother.

Bass: Clearly you are mistaken. I was recouping in Puerto Bal Raydee
Oh, Brazil from having any shred of truth surgically removed from my
system.

rep: so basically you lied to me?

Bass: How dare you call me a liar! Your vitriol will no longer be
tolerated. You are officially plonked.

rep: What's a plonk?

Bass: it's when I ignore you

rep: so if I am plonked why did you answer me?

Bass: only to prove to you that you are plonked

rep: but you are still answering me

Bass: get back to work or you're fired

rep: but you're not my boss. Michael is my boss

Bass: who is Michael?

rep: your brother

Bass: only a sadist would attack someones family like that

rep: like what?

Bass: you sir are no longer welcome here

rep: am I plonked again?

Bass: yes

rep: then why do you keep answering me?

Bass: because in the 25 yrs I have been in business I have never met
anyone as insulting as you

rep: 25 yrs? I thought you said 30 before?

Bass: no, I said 29. In my 28yrs in the trade I have never been treated
in such a manner

rep: ummm I am going now

Bass: You mean you aren't staying for burgers?

rep: no I think you do a good enough job of being out to lunch all by
yourself

Bass: PLONK

rep: what?

Bass: You're plonked

rep: again?

Bass: yes

rep: then why are you still answering me?

Bass: Go ahead make my day