I'm sorry we don't provide service for...

["Bob La Londe" <usenet@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

... customers with a past due balance.


Typical timeline:
Day 1 9:45PM
Them:   We can't arm the alarm.  It must be broken...
Us:       Ok, bypass the problem zone and we will stop by to fix it in the
morning.
Day 2 10:00am    Door contact torn off dooor replaced.
Day 3 Time unknown.  Customer invoiced.

Day 35 Past due notice sent.
Day 65 +/- Past due notice sent
Day....

Day 120 +
Them:  Can you tell us about the activity on our alarm?
Us:      Sure this should answer your question.  Oh by the way, you have a
past due invoice and we don't perform service for anybody with a past due
balance.  You might want to take care of that before anything else comes up.
Them:  Oh, we didn't know there was a charge.  We thought all those
statements marked urgent payment information required were just our monthly
activity reports.  We will take care of it right away
Us:       Ok, Thank you.

Day 160-180 +/-
Them:    (message left with service) The alarm is beeping.  Can you fix it?

...five minutes later
Us:         (After checking alarm history)  Hmmm  low battery.

Call 1 Premise:  Busy
Call 2 Premise:  Busy
Call 3 Premise:  FAX MACHINE ?!?
Call 4 RP 1:      Voice mail full
Call 5 RP 1:      Voice mail full
(verifiy number with directory services)
Call 6 RP 2:      Disconnected
Call 7 RP 3:      Don't work there anymore.

Check accounting system for any alternative numbers.
Hmmm...  Customer has substantially past due balance.
Oh, well they will call back when it gets too annoying.

Day 190+ Sent past due notice.  With note.  "We are continuing to receive
'low battery' signals from your alarm system.  We would be glad to stop by
and take care of that for you, but we do not perfrom service for customers
with past due balances.  Plase pay your past due balance and schedule
service to replace your low battery."

Day 200+ on Sunday morning.
Them:     The alarm is beeping can you fix it.
Us:         You have a low battery, but unfortunately we do not perform
service for custoemrs with a past due balance.
Them:     Oh, I thought we took care of that after I talked to you last
time.
Us:         Sorry, we have not received it.  Hence why you have received
several past due notices since then.
Them:     Oh, well is there anything you can do for us?
Us:         (subvocalized) You want us to do weekend (overtime) service for
you for a problem you have had for several weeks even though you have a past
due balance that you have deliberately ignored for 2/3s of a year?
Outloud:  I'm terribly sorry, but we do not perform service for customers
with a past due balance.  You can call us on Monday to settle this isue.
Them:     Well its beeping.  Is there anythign I can do to shut it up?
Us:         With that particular panel the only way to permanently stop the
beeping (and still have an alarm system) is to replace the bad battery.
Sorry.
Them:     Can you help us?  Please give us a call on Monday to take care of
the the payment issue and we will be glad schedule a time to replace your
battery for you.

Back and forth period.

Click.

Ring Ring  (CID says same client) They can go to voice mail
Ring Ring  (CID says same client) They can go to voice mail
Ring Ring  (CID says same client) They can go to voice mail
Ring Ring  (CID says same client) They can go to voice mail

Never left message with voice mail.

Maybe they will call on Monday and make arrangements to pay their bill, and
maybe they will call some other alarm company to change their battery.  That
would be nice.  I can write them off as a bad debt and they can be somebody
else's collection headache.

--
Bob La Londe
http://www.YumaBassMan.com