Re: An Engineer's Analysis of Santa Claus- REBUTTAL

["Rocky T Squirrel" <gafa_usa@(nospam)hotmail.com>]

Santa,  the ultimate user of "String Theory"  and proof of "String Theory"

RTS



"Stanley Barthfarkle" <sbarth@xxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:wDEjh.3330$x67.459@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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> If people are going to attempt to apply science to the question of Santa,
> the least they can do is to get it right. The so-called "Engineer" that
> wrote the paper suggesting that Santa Claus is dead had it all wrong.
>
> A) In paragraph 5, the Engineer states that "600,000 tons traveling at 650
> miles per second creates enormous air resistance." Assuming that this
true,
> it may well be that the reindeer are protected by some sort of heat
shield,
> which is the basis of the "red nose" legend. More to the point, the "air
> resistance" theory is a vast oversimplification, and a sloppy one at that.
> In comparing a parachute to a javelin, one can see that there is no
simple,
> direct, predictable relationship between the weight of an object and its
air
> resistance. The air resistance theory completely ignores many possible
> configurations of Santa's team that could greatly reduce air resistance.
>
> Paragraph 5 is invalidated all the more when one considers paragraph 1,
> which states that most of the 300,000 unclassified species on the earth
are
> insects and microorganisms. This suggests that it is overwhelmingly
probable
> that any unknown species (such as flying reindeer) is extremely small
> (possibly even microscopic), with correspondingly low air resistance.
>
> Also, note that various small species (e.g. bumblebee) have been known to
> accomplish feats of aviation that have proven quite difficult for science
to
> explain. Furthermore, many small species (e.g. ants) possess strength that
> is immense proportional to their size. Also note that every known species
> has a body structure capable of withstanding whatever stresses are created
> at the top speed at which the creature is capable of traveling.
>
> Therefore, contrary to the Engineer's conclusion, the possible existence
of
> unknown, very small, very strong, flying creatures is indicated, and all
of
> the Engineer's statistics on the mass, speed, capacity, and durability of
> standard Reindeer are therefore irrelevant.
>
> B) If we accept the notion that Santa moves from East to West (an
assumption
> that the Engineer makes in Paragraph 3) then we must also assume that he
is
> moving in a vaguely North-South traversing path as he works his way West.
> This implies that, if he chose to, he could make several stops at the Pole
> to re-load the sleigh, and therefore it is not necessary for him to carry
> the entire payload all at once as described by the Engineer.
>
> The reader may raise the objection that most depictions of Santa's
> procedures include a single annual departure from the Pole. However, one
> must also consider that these same depictions contain many other omissions
> and simplifications, such as the implication that Santa spends several
> minutes on each delivery. Even using unrealistically favorable figures,
this
> is mathematically impossible. This and other examples force us to consider
> these depictions to be strictly allegorical. This makes sense, since a
> documentary would not be much fun for the target audience.
>
> C) Consider that most chimneys are too small to accommodate an
average-sized
> man, let alone a 250 (plus) pound man. This implies that Santa has a way
of
> entering and exiting dwellings through access paths much smaller than
those
> that would otherwise be required. If the same technique that Santa uses to
> transport himself and the gifts past locked doors also decreases mass (or
> makes it irrelevant), then the payload problem is completely solved. (Note
> that any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from
magic.)
>
> D) If we accept the notion that Santa's intelligence gathering is good
> enough for him to determine who is bad/good, sleeping/awake etc., then it
> stands to reason that Santa also knows enough about health problems,
travel
> plans, hurricanes, floods, drive-by shootings, fires, volcanoes,
> earthquakes, bus crashes, burglaries, etc. etc. etc. to be able to defer
or
> advance some of his deliveries for days or even weeks, thus considerably
> extending the 31 hour time limit (as mentioned by the Engineer in
paragraph
> 3) for perhaps 3 to 5 percent of children.
>
> E) In paragraph 3, the Engineer admits to the assumption that Christian
> homes are randomly distributed over the entire surface of the planet. In
> reality, a majority of the earth's surface is covered by the oceans, and a
> great portion of what is left is covered by mountains, deserts, forests,
> jungles, glaciers, smaller bodies of water, and other natural and man-made
> features that render the space uninhabitable by humans -- or at least
> extremely sparsely populated by Christians, who largely tend to live in
> communities with homes placed in neat rows on level ground, or in densely
> populated vertical blocks in urban areas.
>
> Also, many families tend to gather for the Holidays, thus decreasing the
> number of Christian dwellings that are actually occupied on December
24-25.
> Therefore, the aforementioned assumption leads to an *staggering*
> overestimate of the number of times Santa must travel distances exceeding
60
> feet. Also note that this more realistic model includes trans-oceanic
> voyages during which Santa could take a "bathroom break."
>
> F) In paragraph 3, the Engineer says that Santa has a very short time in
> which to "park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the
> stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever
> snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh
and
> move on to the next house. "In the previous paragraph, I dispensed with
the
> notion that Santa must actually park and exit the sleigh, enter and exit
the
> dwelling, and then enter and drive the sleigh for each delivery. As far as
> the snacks go, it is clear that between the households where the parents
eat
> the snacks prior to Santa's arrival and the households that don't leave
> snacks at all, Santa has to deal with a snack in only a small proportion
of
> cases. This means that at every stop Santa must, at a minimum, fill
> stockings and distribute gifts. The other tasks are performed in much
> smaller proportions.
>
> G) In paragraph 2, the Engineer presents the assumption that roughly 10
> children out of 35 are "good." Given my personal observations, I conclude
> that this would lead us to overestimate of the number of Christian
> households containing at least one "good" child by an order of magnitude
at
> the absolute minimum. This, more than anything else, decreases the number
of
> stops that Santa must make.
>
> In conclusion - all of the Engineer's calculations are based on figures
that
> are massively skewed, always choosing the worst-case value. The distances
to
> be traveled, the number of stops to be made, the amount of work to be
> performed, and the amount of cargo to be carried are all FAR smaller than
> the Engineer estimates.
>
> Santa has NOT been burned to a cinder, he has NOT been squished by the
> acceleration of his sleigh, and (though I'm quite certain he won't be
> visiting that Engineer's house,) Santa Claus IS coming to town!
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> --
> "What the hell's the deal with this newsgroup...
> is there a computer terminal in the day room of
> some looney bin somewhere?" - anonymous usenet post
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