Re: How to sing the Blues -OT

["Robertm" <Respond@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

And it must be 12 bars (measures). Anything else, it ain't the Blues.

Bob

"Jackcsg" <nospam@xxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:nsKdnRh6uoXJubreRVn-jg@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> 1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning..."
>
> 2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues. Unless you stick
> something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the
> meanest
> face in town."
>
> 3. The Blues is simple: after you get the first line right, repeat it,
> then
> find something that rhymes. Sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest
> face
> in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth
> like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound."
>
> 4. The Blues is not about choice: you stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a
> ditch
> - ain't no way out.
>
> 5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues
> don't
> travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues
> transportation
> is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored
> motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the
> blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
>
> 6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults
> sing
> the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the
> electric
> chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
>
> 7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in
> Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical
> depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places
> to
> have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get
> rain.
>
> 8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues; a woman with male
> pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cause you were skiing is not the
> blues; breaking your leg cause a alligator be chomping on it is.
>
> 9. You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall - the lighting
> is
> wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
>
> 10. Good places for the Blues:
> a. highway
> b. jailhouse
> c. empty bed
> d. bottom of a whiskey glass
>
> 11. Bad places for the Blues:
> a. Nordstrom's
> b. gallery openings
> c. Ivy League institutions
> d. golf courses
>
> 12. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you
> happen
> to be a old ethnic person, and you slept in it.
>
> 13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
> Yes, if:
> a. you older than dirt
> b. you blind
> c. you shot a man in Memphis
> d. you can't be satisfied
>
> No, if:
> a. you have all your teeth
> b. you were once blind but now can see
> c. the man in Memphis lived
> d. you have a 401K or trust fund
>
> 14. Blues is not a matter of color, it's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods
> cannot sing the blues; Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a
> leg
> up on the blues.
>
> 15. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the
> Blues.
> Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
> a. cheap wine
> b. whiskey or bourbon
> c. muddy water
> d. nasty black coffee
>
> The following are NOT Blues beverages:
> a. Perrier
> b. Chardonnay
> c. Snapple
> d. Slim Fast
>
> 16. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues
> death.
> Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is
> the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken down cot.
> You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while
> getting liposuction.
>
> 17. Some Blues names for women:
> a. Sadie
> b. Big Mama
> c. Bessie
> d. Fat River Dumpling
>
> 18. Some Blues names for men:
> a. Joe
> b. Willie
> c. Little Willie
> d. Big Willie
>
> 19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Debbie, and Heather can't
> sing
> the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
>
> 20. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit:
> a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame,etc.)
> b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi,etc.)
> c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
>
> For example: Blind Lime Jefferson, Jakeleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple Kiwi
> Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")
>
> 21. I don't care how tragic your life: if you own a computer, you cannot
> sing the blues.
>
>
>