Fw: This will make you laugh your b**ocks off!

[Gareth Cook <g@xxxxxxxxxx>]

I dispute vehemently that a ZX Spectrum is the cause. Uncle Clive said
a=20
ZX81 could handle a nuclear power station, so by that logic, the
Spectrum=20
could manage AT LEAST 2 Nuke stations.=20

But then, you wouldnt get monkeys at a Nuke station so mebe therein lies=20
the problem :-) They would see the yellow on the rubber keys and eat them.

G.

Gareth Cook
IT Architect / Project Manager, SWG Sales
IBM SWG Sales - Lotus Park, Staines, TW18 3AG
Office: +44 (0)1784 445166 - Mobile: +44 (0)7980 445166
email: g@xxxxxxx

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----- Forwarded by Gareth Cook/UK/IBM on 18/08/2006 21:31 -----

Discussion
Main Topic

ukha_d@xxxxxxx
Today 21:13

.
Subject:
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[ukha_d] This will make you laugh your b**ocks off!
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Category:



Wendy personally knows this person and it bloody well made us laugh.

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Paul G.

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Subject: FW: Complaint I Have Just Sent To Talk Talk - Please Distribute W=
=20
idely=20

=20

________________________________

Dear Chimpanzee Number 58,=20

=20

It is a common theory that if an infinite number of chimpanzees were=20
provided with an infinite number of typewriters and given an infinite=20
amount of time they would produce the complete works of Shakespeare. I=20
have always thought that this "logic by infinite randomness"
theory was=20
flawed because surely a number of beings with limited intelligence and=20
ancient technology could not produce anything worthwhile in any amount
of=20
time. That was how I felt until I signed up for your new call package.=20

=20

It seems that TalkTalk have stumbled across a way of providing
"free"=20
broadband and have been blowing their trumpets about it. As a result of=20
this trumpet blowing I was suckered in to signing up and moving away
from=20
my previous TalkTalk package. I was so stunned by the potential
reduction=20
in my bills I had to ask your sales Chimpanzee whether this was too good=20
be true - "what's the catch?" I asked, high on potential savings,
he=20
replied dishonestly "there isn't one!" he said.=20

=20

Oh really... In that case why is it that since signing up for your free=20
broadband package have I had to make several complaints regarding my=20
account? Almost instantaneously, my account was thrown in to turmoil.
Let=20
me explain:

1.               your computer system (which is presumably a ZX
Spectrum)=20
disabled my direct debit.=20
2.               you then sent me a red letter to say my payment was=20
overdue.=20
3.               I called your call centre and after 45 minutes
listening=20
to "Something in Air" by Hayley Sanderson I spoke to someone at
an=20
outsourced centre of excellence who said that I had pressed the wrong=20
number and needed the landline section not the broadband section.=20
4.               I tried again and spoke to someone who said "whoops!,
our=
=20
mistake", if you make a payment today for the outstanding balance I
will=20
set up the direct debit again by pressing the big red button on my
rubber=20
keyboard.=20
5.               A couple of weeks later I received a letter from a credit=
=20
agency stating that they would bang the door down and take my belongings=20
to the value of about =A330. Incidentally, if this did happen I would have=
=20
given them a couple of Spice Girls cds.=20
6.               I contacted your call centre once more and was told
that=20
the computer system had indicated that an amount was outstanding... I kind=
=20
of knew that was going to happen. Once again, I made a payment over the=20
phone and was told that my account was up to date and future payments=20
would be taken by direct debit.=20
7.               I am now convinced that the concept of "direct
debit" is=20
either too complicated for your troupe of Chimpanzees or someone has=20
tripped over the power lead for the ZX Spectrum and the plug has come
out=20
of the socket.=20
8.               I today received a call from the credit agency to say=20
that I had an amount outstanding.

Is there any chance that, should you remember the meaning of
"customer=20
service", you could explain what is going on as, like yourselves, I am
a=20
little confused. I am more than happy to maintain my own account on the ZX=
=20
Spectrum as I feel that blindfolded with both hands tied behind my back=20
and typing with my big toe only I could do a better job.=20

=20

I remember hearing once that megalomaniac mobile phone guru Charles=20
Dunstone believed that for every job done well a customer would tell 10=20
people, but every job done badly a customer would tell 20 people. I=20
thought I would prove that he is not the lunatic you all may think he is=20
by copying this complaint to 20 people.

=20

I hope to hear from you soon. I tried to call twice today but your yoghurt=
=20
pot and string telephone system cut me off on both occasions.=20

=20

All the best,=20

=20

Mr Shield=20

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