RE: WAY OT: A LITTLE 'TAX MAN' HUMOUR

["Tawn, Jonathan" <jonathan.tawn@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

With the tax year coming to a close soon, I thought this would be of
interest;

FW: Taken from the Guardian, an actual letter sent by the Inland Revenue:
_____________________________________________

Dear Mr Addison,

I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply
t=
o
our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise.
=
I
will address them, as ever, in order. Firstly, I must take issue with your
description of our last as a begging letter". It might perhaps more
properl=
y
be referred to as a "tax demand". This is how we, at the Inland
Revenue hav=
e
always, for reasons of accuracy; traditionally referred to such documents.

Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream of
crapulen=
t
whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox on to the
doormat" has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not seen the
othe=
r
letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest that their being from
"pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses and pissant
gas-mongerers"
might indicate that your decision to "file them next to the toilet in
case
of emergencies" is at best a little ill-advised. In common with my own
organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of these letters do see you
a=
s
a "lackwit bumpkin" or, come to that, a "sodding
charity". More likely they
see you as a citizen of Great Britain, with a responsibility to contribute
to the upkeep of the nation as a whole.

Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of truth
in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to shore up the
canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services", a
moment's
rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the
government in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole damned
party"
yourself. The estimates you provide for the Chancellor's disbursement of
th=
e
funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in fairness, a little off
the mark.

Less than you seem to imagine is spent on "junkets for Bunterish
lickspittles" and "dancing whores" whilst far more than you
have accounted
for is allocated to, for example, "that box-ticking fa=E7ade of a
universit=
y
system."

A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:

1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins" on the envelope has
to do wit=
h
the vagaries of the postal system;

2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrows of those with
nothin=
g
else to give" has never been considered as a practice because even if
the
Personal Allowance didn't render it irrelevant, the sheer medicallogistics
involved would make it financially unviable.

I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way
wis=
h
to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point out that
even if you did choose to "give the whole foul jamboree up and go and
live
in India" you would still owe us the money.

Please forward it by Friday.

Yours Sincerely,

H J Lee

Customer Relations



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